Are We What We Wear?

There's just something about fetish wear, isn't there? It's certainly what comes to mind for a lot of people when they hear the words, "Dominatrix" or "FemDom." They picture me or any one of my fellow ladies in skin tight black latex, heavy makeup, and high heels, brandishing a bull whip. It's sort of a stereotypical Domme look, to be fair. I'm even guilty of painting the same mental picture from time to time.

But that's not all of us. Not at all. A lot of the Dommes who I chat with don't even get dolled up for sessions; some don't even dress up like that for public scene outings.

It's undeniable that there's something appealing about the aesthetic, at least to me. I certainly enjoy dolling myself up now and again and I absolutely love looking at some of the amazing photos in fetish wear that my fellow Dommes put out.

But what makes us us isn't what we wear. Sure, there's an aspect of D/s that takes physical attraction into account - but it's so much about the mental game, isn't it? Findom is especially heavy in mental domination. So while it might be easier to attract a potential slave with a photo in fetish wear - and that may not be what a lot of subs are even looking for - it's not what we wear that make us Dommes. It's one piece of the puzzle, sure, but we're complicated creatures.

Don't let anyone tell you that you need to look a certain way to be a Domme. There is no one right way to do it. To each her own.