Findom For Each

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Recently, in chat, one member asked if he belonged on this site or not. What if, at the moment, he didn't have a penny to spend - but he did spend when he could - was this still the place for him?

I am of the mind that if you don't ever spend, then what's the point of being in Findom at all? That kind of behavior makes you an observer at best, and not a true participant in the kink. And if you're not actually participating in Findom, then why be on a site called Findoms.com?

This particular sub, I thought, did belong here because he participates sometimes.

The conversation then turned to the size of the gifts that a sub could offer. And here's where I may have a very different opinion than some of my fellow Dommes. I feel that sacrifice means different things to different people; for some, that can be $200 at a time while for others, their lifestyle might mean their gifts can only be $25 or $50. Some subs only make a living wage - that doesn't mean that they can't participate in Findom because it's about giving up something, not necessarily giving up everything. Some Dommes believe that $25 isn't Findom - and that's fine. They can turn those gifts and those subs away. But I'm interested in each sub of mine as an individual with his own drives, needs, and requirements.

A responsible Domme will ask her sub what he makes and what he's able to spend on this hobby. I've had one sub give me his bank account login information and instructions to "bankrupt" him. I refused. I don't engage in such extreme behavior because I believe that, again, Findom is about sacrifice but not necessarily about ruining someone's life. I feel that there needs to be a unique kind of mutual respect in any D/s relationship, even this kind.