When UC ends without going further...

Let's a address a little subject that might be uncomfortable to some, but is something that happens all the time. It's par for the course and it's something we all need to handle with grace after. Sadly it can at times leave a bad taste in the participants mouth especially if the UC came to an end after some "issues" between the Lady and the boy / sissy.

UC - Under Consideration. The first step towards collar or in a way "exclusive / steady" in most cases. Some allow slutting rights as well but that is a different topic.

I think it is fair to say that both sides enter into UC with the hopes that it will lead to a long term D/s relationship which will progress into a collar or even long term servitude. In some rarer cases perhaps even Ownership. I won't bother going into the different stages of all of that, because you all see them differently.

Sadly and that is something we as human beings can't avoid, once things get more serious and now actions and consequences become stricter, we find out that we are not as suited to each other as we first hoped.
The more time we spend together, the deeper we get to know one another, the more effort is required, the more serious a Relationship becomes, the more we get to see the more genuine self of each other.

In the beginning it's all so new and fun. Once conditioning begins however it can become more mundane and now we get to see just how sincere the person is in what they say. Do they truly feel what they claimed? Are they truly as able, willing, and eager to fill the position their status requires? Are both sides still as eager to put the effort in or does it suddenly lose it's appeal? Has trust been placed correctly or were their things hidden that are now slowly coming to the surface? Are we really as compatible as we thought once it's not all about fun and play, but you get to see the human side of the individuals as well? What happens when the "fantasy of the Domme and sub" becomes the reality of the female and male who are the person behind the "titles"?

UC is a testing period, a trial period to see if there is truly as much potential for a "happily ever after" as we hoped for. A testing period to see if we can overcome some of the obstacles we will naturally face once we become a "bonded" D/s pair.

In general and it's not as bad as it might seem at first, 80% of UC's end without going further. We realize that we are just not as well matched as we thought we were and we part ways. It happens, it sometimes hurts, but it happens. We had hope for more and now we need to accept the fact that our hopes were disappointed.

Now however we face another problem. We face our own personality and character when we are in each others presence again. Once UC ends the hold of the Domina over the sub ends as well. It's over. You tried and well it just didn't work out. Sometimes it ends in bad blood and that is when problems can arise. Sometimes one or the other side feel "abused" or "dissed" by the other. How do we handle that?

First of all and I hope first and foremost with integrity. If you ended things on a sour note, you need to take this private and get it fixed between each other. You need to be able to be in the same room with one another without resorting to anger and angry attacks. It doesn't just hurt one side, it hurts everyone. Including those who get drug into the middle without even realizing something was amiss.

You need to be able to cordial with one another or if you have to ignore each other until you have calmed down. WE ARE ADULTS first and foremost, so yes we have to behave that way.

Unless actual harm was done on either side, allow the other person to move on. Allow them to find what they need in order to be ok. I have had many boys over the years who did really well until I gave them to opportunity to become UC and then suddenly they changed so badly in their behavior that I had to dismiss and let go. In some cases we both realized that I expected a lot more then they could give to Me. Not just financially either, but in devotion, respect, focus, obedience and more. They were just not suited for commitment. Some are not. They do fine as casual boys, but once you place them into a committed exclusive situation they just peter out. It happens.

Now I never see that as a personal failure and I don't get angry about it either. I wish them luck and move on. There had to be something special in that boy to begin with that I had even considered him, and it was just no longer there once we tried. It's just what it is.

If it ended because of shady behavior, I will hash it out with the boy in private and it will be brought to a mutually satisfying solution if at all possible. If that can't be achieved he is dead to Me. Meaning I don't see him. I will not bad mouth him in public, but I will give a Lady a head up IF she asks ME about him.

Just because W/we didn't work out doesn't mean he wouldn't do better for HER.

In most cases we part on good terms, wish each other the best of luck, and even so we won't be friends (I don't go there with them) we will remain polite to each other.

Let me say this. There is no shame for the Lady when UC ends and no him showing interest in someone else after doesn't mean you weren't a good Lady either. There is no Peer Pressure unless you make it so.

It's a show of our integrity as Superiors how we handle things. Now if the boy starts acting disrespectful towards Me I will slap him down fast, because disrespect is never allowed period. Other then that, well you know what? You or I took the chance on him, so if another Lady shows interest or he shows interest in Her, let it be. Don't get in the middle and try to ruin their chances with each other. It will either work out for them or not.

Personally I want people to find good matches and work out. If not with Me then with another lovely Lady. Oh and if the boy truly is just a player and a waste of time as you probably feel like if you ended it on a sour note, the Lady will figure it out quickly enough and move on from him. Like I said unless he really was being fraudulent and caused you harm in some way not just hurt your Ego, it's all just par for the course.

We are always judged daily by our behavior, and as a Lady one of the things we are judged by the most is if we can have control over ourselves when we feel angered. How far we will take our hurt feelings and if we let them rule US or if WE RULE THEM.

Oh and boys, don't push HER buttons on purpose either. We Ladies are watching you as well. We see what you are doing just fine. We judge you just as much. I have passed boys by many of times because of the way they treated a Lady whom they have served before Me. If you treat her like shit after you claimed to adore Her and be HERS, I must assume you would do the same to Me if your panties are ruffled. I have no interest in that. I also have no interest in being a pawn between you and HER either. I have too much self-respect for that.

So next time a UC goes sideways, remember that how you behave after is just as important as you did before. HAVE respect for yourself and each other. Oh and please respect the rest of US as well, because honestly having to sit there and watch this is really uncomfortable. Not all of us like Drama.

Goddess Bella Donna