Hurt feelings and misunderstandings

I just got done reading a few of the Blogs here today and some of them made me think of just how easily we can "misunderstand" each other and how easily feelings get hurt. Now this post isn't towards anyone in particular, not even this community really, just a generalized musing that suddenly popped up in my mind. A musing I invite you to read, think about and either agree or disagree with. I am golden either way.

Being on the internet has a lot of positive things going for it. For one you can have information at your fingertips in seconds that you may otherwise would have to spend years finding and actually researching. You can make connections with millions of people all over the globe. You can share news on a global scale in mere seconds. It can be used as an early warning system for disasters and more. It allows us to gather and share in our interests with a wide variety of people. It allows us to gain understanding about different cultures by interacting with people from that culture and more. Yes the internet has many benefits indeed.

HOWEVER and that is something we all have to keep in mind. The internet also has several bad effects on us. For one it is a lot easier for people to become Trolls. It fosters bullying on a much broader scale and it allows misunderstandings and hurt feelings to turn into all out cyber war at times.

It is also one of the easiest venues for you to befraud people. be shady, and pretend to be someone you are not. In the real world we have cause and consequences, oh in many cases those are quick and hard.

For example: You mouth of to someone and call them out of name, online you have a few ways of handling that. Hit X on the top and ignore it. Start talking shit back. Start a stupid ass mob mentality to go after the person in order to "destroy" them like some dark overlord.
In real time you do that I have another choice. It's called reaching out and slapping you in the mouth. An instant reaction that might teach you that you want to think before talking shit in a disrespectful way to someone who may not have a problem treating you like the .... you are.

In a BDSM sense, an online sub can just "disappear" in the middle of a session when he no longer feels like being obedient and submissive or the subject of tributes is brought up. We see this behavior all the time as Ladies. In real time however once you are in the middle of scene you would have a lot harder time just walking off. Online we don't have to be as committed to carry out what we claim to, but in real time once again there are actions and consequences. Spankings will really hurt. If you get tied up you will be helpless. You start mouthing off and the Mistress decides to gag you and hood you, you will lose sight and speech abilities. And unlike online where being "kicked" is just a moment of inconvenience, in real life being kicked can go from hurting to being harmed.

What I am pointing out is that online we are very often disassociated and desensitized to a point. We have the protection of anonymity, we don't have to worry too much about long lasting consequences unless you happen to come on a real psycho who will hunt your ass down, and it's kind of like the thing with alcohol. It lowers you inhibitions to being an asshole.

It's also really difficult at times to bring what you mean across. Remember that when you speak to someone in real life, they can hear your voice, see your facial and body language, can even feel the vibes of them if you are sensitive to that. Online you don't have that and VERY FEW PEOPLE are sensitive enough to pick up vibes via the internet.

Which makes presenting something meant as a joke only often difficult and can lead to misunderstanding. A well meant piece of advise that is given out of the goodness of your heart to help someone, is seen as an attack. An order given lacks the force of the voice if it is written, and a boy will and can easily mistake it for a suggestion. Not that they ever should assume it is only a suggestion, but eh they are males.

I have watched over and over again people's feelings getting hurt because something that was said was perceived in a way it was not meant. However since we rarely truly know the people we are interacting with, we have no way of discerning it any better then assuming that this is how WE would mean it and then take it that way.

There is an old saying that says: "If the shoe fits wear it!" When someone gets offended about something apparently small then that happens because it is meaningful to them or they actually see the "bad" meaning of what is said as a reflection of them-selves. It hit a sore spot even if it wasn't even about them at all.

One thing we all need to know and learn how to do is grow a really thick skin, especially in the fetishes we deal in as Ladies. We represent to many people a type of woman that is against everything society has taught them is ok to be like. If you are not just "roleplaying" at what you are, but are actually truly presenting your genuine self it will scare the bejesus out of others, because that is a flow of power that most can't handle.

Words have meaning and you have to be careful what you say. How you present something online that might be controversial will be put in question and yes anytime you voice an opinion you better accept the fact that someone will not like you for voicing it. Does that mean you should just remain quiet? Well if you are Domina you kind of can't, because you do have to give others (read boys) the chance to get to know how your mind works.

Hurt feelings also happen because of low-selfesteem, envy, jealousy, the believe that there isn't enough for everyone, and other negative emotions. All of those things happen naturally but are not something you should let control your life.

When guys play women out against each other and we allow it, we get stupid competition between those who are supposedly the superiors here. Big no-no. Personally when I am just an option among many options for a boy, then I withdraw from the pool. I am not going to fight over some penis carrier. You want him, you can have him. I will wait for a boy who sees Me as the ONE and ONLY for him. Because that is what I DESERVE. Oh and that doesn't mean you don't deserve the same thing, but right there until I cleared that up we would have left it open for misunderstandings and hurt feelings. See what I mean?

I have watched so called "friendships" fall apart between women over some really stupid shit. I mean misunderstandings that instead of just addressed and let go off, have turned into little personality wars. Nobody wins here when that happens.

Another thing that I see a lot is someone having their feelings hurt and suddenly they think everyone is out to get them all the time. Let me assure you right now, that NONE of us - INCLUDING ME - are that important and the center of EVERYONES universe that EVERYONE is out to get you. That's your paranoia speaking or your narcissism pick one.

Truthfully most of us actually really don't give a good damn about what you do and truth be told you probably feel the same way about us.

You have to stop taking yourself so darn serious all the time when you want to interact in a community and be part of it. I verbally slap boys from time to time just for the lack of respect, but that is what I do as a Domina. I do that because if you come in here pretending to be a sub then at base minimum you need to roleplay that you have the basic understanding of manners.

I know how ironic that I just said to don't take yourself so serious and then followed it up with slapping boys verbally for the lack of respect. Make up your mind Bella, which is it. Well since I am a Mistress expecting boys to have manners towards Me and other Ladies is called standards. That is my right to demand and sadly yes your right to ignore unless you belong to me. Ignore it then and you'll hate the consequences. LOOK Brittany I used the word HATE... (Personal joke there).

Taking yourself too serious means that you think that you are so important that the entire world is out to get you, that we all think day and night about ways to make you miserable, or that you having a different opinion than ours actually means a damn to the person who shared their opinion. That's taking yourself too serious, standing by your standards is what you should be doing as a Mistress automatically.

By the way and this one I know is Captain Obvious, but I have no clue if something I am about to say is going to offend you or not. Most of the time I honestly don't care, because sometimes maybe you should be offended enough to pull your head out of your arse enough to think. But I am never malicious in the intend. I will rattle your chains just enough for you to take a look at what you are doing and just maybe reconsider when I see you heading head on into a bad situation since I already know the outcome. Why? Because perhaps I made the same mistakes YeARS back and learned from it. I am trying to help you steer clear in the only way I know how. By making you think, and sorry most people don't think until the have to think of a comeback because they are "offended".

I want to ask you for a favor. Not for Me but for you. Take a little look at your recent personal little misunderstandings, vendettas, hurt feelings and step back from them for a second. Look at them from the outside looking in and consider that just maybe what you thought was said to you, wasn't really what you thought it meant.

Don't let online shortcomings in translations be the reason why you miss out on good connections between all of you. Let it go already. Trust me, if hurt feelings is the worst thing that will ever hurt to you in life, you live a charmed life indeed.

Yeah Yeah .... I know at least one smartaleck sub is going to put something about
Kumbajah in the comments. Just remember..... I travel..... EVIL LAUGH

Goddess Bella Donna