Looking for New Streams of Revenue

I’m contemplating new streams of revenue and am looking for someone interested in investing a certain amount of money in stocks or funds that pay high dividend yields and then transfer those yields over to me every month.  I think this would be quite lucrative for me.  

Additionally, I’m looking for Uber drivers who are willing to provide me their earnings, either daily or if you can’t afford that, then maybe one or two days earnings per week. 

I’m also looking for someone who will go get a second job and provide me all the earnings from that job. You may also work as a waiter and provide me all the money from your tips.  

I want to find someone who will take out a loan and provide me all the funds while they pay it off. When it’s paid, they’ll take out another, larger loan and give me that.  

Lastly, I want an Amex or other black credit card that I may use for any manner of trips, clothes, boots and gloves.  I crave fine fashion and anyone following my blog posts knows that I do not accept less than Louboutin or Casadei or Blahnik for shoes, and only wear the finest, most expensive designers.  

Its time you provided more for your Goddess, let’s see something now!!!!