Train Men Like Dogs

Here's the thing: training dogs is easy. Training men is easier. It takes a firm hand, a little bit of patience, and a vision of making the trainee a better version of themselves. 

Imagine wearing a leather collar with a little metal ring at the front center and a nametag that says, IF FOUND, RETURN TO MISTRESS AUTUMN. These tinkle as you move, reminding you of your place. And your place is on the ground, on all fours, patiently waiting for orders. 

I've had a lot of success with clicker training as a communication tool to shape behaviors. It works on animals, it works on men. When you follow orders or do something that I approve of, I press a button on a device that makes a clicking sound, and follow it up with a reward. The click clearly communicates that you did something right. For now, your reward is a word of praise, a caress on the cheek, or a gentle ruffle of your hair. That's just for small good behaviors - imagine what you might get for really good behavior in the future. 

I can train you to do all sorts of basic dog tricks: sit, stay, lay down, up, speak, roll over. These are easy. I can even train you to walk on a leash with me, leading you around my playroom. We could even crate train you if it might help you be the best pet possible.

I train men to make them better - better behaved in general and to make them better servants to my needs. If you want to be my good little lapdog and wear a collar, you have to e receptive to being trained. With my firm yet fair demeanor, I will make you the best pet you can be.