The Real Competition

It came up in a chat recently about a sub who was complaining in private to one Domme about another Domme. It happens. Sometimes, the complaints are even legitimate ones. Other times, however, it is an attention getting tactic and a power play. The “new” Domme may be tempted to explain how she is nothing like that “old” Domme and is so much better in order to gain a sub or get a tribute. Boom. Power has just shifted to the sub.

So what about other Dommes? Is this lifestyle competitive? Highly.

Do we all want to present ourselves better than all the others? Nope.

Why not? Because that is a no-win game. We present ourselves to the best WE can be. Ultimately, in this and in life, we are our own competition. We are each beautiful, fierce, independent powerhouses of femininity. And we are not one-size-fits-all. Being secure in oneself is the only real victory. I don’t have to tear you down to make myself great. That is where the real confidence, power, and dominance reside.

The way to success is to find those subs who genuinely resonate with you. It may take a long time and a lot of sifting through bad matches. It may feel that everyone else is succeeding while you are not. The wait is worth it. When you find those subs they won’t be going off talking ill about you to others. However, the odds are VERY high that the ones who come talking badly about others will do the same thing to you given enough time.

In general, I discourage subs talking ill about others at least before I have gotten to know them very well. Then it might be important in how it has shaped them as a sub. Before that, it isn’t relevant. I simply don’t care how other Dommes do their business. I may agree or disagree, but how does that help me in the here and now? It doesn’t. It just takes my attention off my own boys.

Lastly, talking badly about other Dommes ultimately reflects badly on you. When other Dommes find out you will lose the help and support of a great community of other women who strongly believe in empowering each other. As for subs, quality subs will tend to avoid someone who talks badly about women that they have come to admire and respect over time.

Keep the power. Support each other. Keep those boys on their toes. The boys jump through hoops for Us, not the other way around.

This post originally appeared on Stilettos & Thorns http://stilettosandthorns.tumblr.com/