Findom and Mental Health

It's safe to say that financial domination, being a Domme, and/or serving a Domme can mean many different things for a person's mental status. Some seem to fill the need for a purpose in life. Some do it to fully exert the confidence they have welling up inside, and there are others that try it to seek out the missing gap in their everyday life. There are a million ways to dominate and a million ways to submit. However, this one particular week, I came across two examples of what actually chills me in this fetish.

As a Domme myself, I like to make sure that my subs are looking out for themselves, at least to a certain point. I like to know where their heads are at, if there are problems, etc. In my D/s relationships, it is my job to make sure that they are taken care of, and I do enjoy checking on them. That might be different in other relationships, but to some degree, even in the cases of strict financial control, I like to know that my sub is taking care of themselves, and is healthy physically and mentally. However, we all know that there are people that attempt to ride the high as far as they possibly can. The line to stop can become extremely blurred over time, and one session or one week in servitude may mean the difference between a hefty tribute and being unable to pay rent. And sometimes, the things that enter my inbox are far too much.

My first example happened just today. On Twitter, a sub came to me interested in servitude. In this case though, he also begged me to take his money he used to afford the medications that he was dependent on. Others may just shrug off his complete lack of regard for his own health, and leave it to his responsibility alone to draw that aforementioned line. I can't. These are the things needed for someone to live a productive, healthy life, and possibly the one thing that could exist to save it. Even as a Domme that demands the world, I can't let him be irresponsible at my hands. Seeing my pets in utter submission is the end goal, but they need to keep their humanity, and knowing that a move I make could make the difference between one less tribute or someone physically suffering, actually freaks me out. Beating a sub can be fun. Testing their limits can be a blast. But there's a safeword, a point of end. When one person wants absolutely none of that, I refuse to let them serve me.

My second example is a horse of a completely different color. Another Twitter "sub" became a pest in my inbox. When I was about to block him, he told me that he had a gift on its way to me from my wishlist, and that he would contact me again once I told HIM that the gift had arrived.

Guess who didn't adhere to that.

He asked me if he could become mine. I quickly went on his Twitter and saw that he was owned by another Domme, so I confronted him about it. He informed me that after two days worth of being owned, he was no longer happy, and that he wanted me instead. Now, all of us Dommes (and some of you subs) know that finsubs/slaves/paypiggies/etc. can be extremely distracted by shinies and at times be easily bored and want to move on to the next best thing in their minds. However, approaching another Domme to serve them, even when they weren't happy, is extremely disrespectful. Because, the first thing we think: "Well if they did it to this Domme, they could easily do it to me as well." I should've blocked. My big mistake was that I didn't. I told him that he had a lot of nerve to seek out another Domme while under the servitude of another. I told him that he had so much nerve even breaking his code of silence AND being "I want, I want" in my inbox, but reminded him that those were nothing compared to the first offense, which is one of the golden rules of any D/s relationship. It is then that things took a turn:

"Never mind princess I have a rope and will put it to good use and if you block me thats fine cuz in five minutes i won't contact anyone again."
"I am logging out and may never be back enjoy yourself."
"I am giving you all what you want, a dead sissy you don't have to deal with."

I left my phone during a shower to come back to these. Already feeling sick, I went to his Twitter, and was greeted by a line of suicidal text. In that moment, you forget yourself and your normal persona switches the fuck back on. I didn't know if he was serious, or what was even going on anymore (I have seen this type of text so much in my real life among friends and acquaintances that I truly did not know). All I could think to do was block, and it turns out I made the right move. Within minutes, he was broadcasting that he was unowned and looking. It was all just a ploy, and I felt enraged and absolutely sick.

Do not fucking do this. Ever. Dommes are responsible for at least some part of their subs' well-being. Even if I didn't have this one collared, I felt concern immediately just on a humanistic level. And in the end, it turned out to be emotional manipulation. Never put your others in this type of situation. You have no idea the impact that it can have on them. Maybe I am far too soft, and in being so might appear not to be fit for this type of world, but after dealing with recovery in my own mental health, and having almost lost several friends to suicide where there were practically no clues to it (including two in the kink community), I can't help but take it seriously. Saying things like that is a cry for help, or a cry for cheap attention. He got the latter. He got a rise out of me. But it's not just an ordinary trolling or whatever. Actions have reactions, and mine was having an emotional relapse. Even now, I still think on it and it makes me shudder.

Even if you do not wish to serve someone, or if you do not wish to have someone serve you, treat them with respect. Take care of yourself -- if you feel like you're in a rut, please seek help, and if you are dependent on things to just stay alive, don't sacrifice them for a quick thrill. Practice at least common sense self-preservation. If it helps, subs out there, think of it this way: if you compromise yourself in any way, you aren't at your most capable. Not at your most capable, you are unable to serve. And we want you to give it your best and beyond. Our happiness is key, and you may want us to be happy, but if it comes down to sending less and staying alive, please just stay alive.

Take care of yourselves.