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on August 27, 2017
"I am surprised my account wasn't deleted due to inactivity", I thought to myself after the initial feelings of surprise had quickly worn off after the sign in accepted my information. It has been a little over 3 years since I have been active on Findoms. If memory serves correct I recall giving up on this site in a chaotic time in my life. A time in my life where privacy was a concept, which made me unable to gain much experience in a kink that is unforgiving to the inexperienced. (At least from my opinion based on what I had seen years ago.)
I think I had once again lost another "sub" (When I was young and foolish. I did not make subs earn the right to be mine.) and at the time I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I didn't bother to ask any other seasoned Domme for advice, as I have stubborn pride, and I often witnessed Dommes in the chat laughing at new Dommes who they deemed wouldn't last, so I wasn't exactly to out myself as lost and new.
It did not help that I did not feel like a "Real" Domme as I wasn't always clad in leather, with special flashy effects on my profile, and banners made by subs to post on my page singing my legend and telling tales of my greatness. As I type this now I smirk and shake my head at the memory of my insecurity. Do I think Dommes with flashy pages get more traffic? Yes I do, but does it make me feel like they are better me? No, I can do it myself or I could just hire someone else to do it. So often throughout my life people told me I have so much "potential", but they were never clear in where or how I could reach this potential. While I still have yet to "reach it" I feel I have made progress in my absence.
To keep it short and sweet, back then I was uneducated and wanted to believe there is good in people, and I should people a chance in general. HAHAHAHA! What a sweet summer child I was, no? I cringed so much reading old posts I made and so ect....I made it my first mission to delete everything I posted 3 years ago.
Returning to Findoms didn't cross my mind immediately as I matured. I found satisfaction in things such as cam-girling and exotic dancing, and I still do, but after moving out of a toxic environment into my own bedroom apartment. I found I could finally hone my skills, and with the small help of a Sub in training I was able to dress in the "Look" I had in mind for myself. So here I am now.
I reflect on my past mistakes and realize often what I was doing wrong, with the exception of lack of privacy, which was out of my control. Not cutting off people wasting my time immediately, as once upon a time I believed the gender man could be trusted, giving too much when I didn't have to give shit, and having manners in a world where manners are slowly disappearing.
Oh and not doing my damn research. I didn't treat this like a job. I came here 3 years ago... thinking this would be some Eden where I'd be fanned with Banana leaves, all while my ass was being rubbed with cocoa butter by any dick with a pulse.
Heh.
Anyway, its interesting to be back.
I think I had once again lost another "sub" (When I was young and foolish. I did not make subs earn the right to be mine.) and at the time I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I didn't bother to ask any other seasoned Domme for advice, as I have stubborn pride, and I often witnessed Dommes in the chat laughing at new Dommes who they deemed wouldn't last, so I wasn't exactly to out myself as lost and new.
It did not help that I did not feel like a "Real" Domme as I wasn't always clad in leather, with special flashy effects on my profile, and banners made by subs to post on my page singing my legend and telling tales of my greatness. As I type this now I smirk and shake my head at the memory of my insecurity. Do I think Dommes with flashy pages get more traffic? Yes I do, but does it make me feel like they are better me? No, I can do it myself or I could just hire someone else to do it. So often throughout my life people told me I have so much "potential", but they were never clear in where or how I could reach this potential. While I still have yet to "reach it" I feel I have made progress in my absence.
To keep it short and sweet, back then I was uneducated and wanted to believe there is good in people, and I should people a chance in general. HAHAHAHA! What a sweet summer child I was, no? I cringed so much reading old posts I made and so ect....I made it my first mission to delete everything I posted 3 years ago.
Returning to Findoms didn't cross my mind immediately as I matured. I found satisfaction in things such as cam-girling and exotic dancing, and I still do, but after moving out of a toxic environment into my own bedroom apartment. I found I could finally hone my skills, and with the small help of a Sub in training I was able to dress in the "Look" I had in mind for myself. So here I am now.
I reflect on my past mistakes and realize often what I was doing wrong, with the exception of lack of privacy, which was out of my control. Not cutting off people wasting my time immediately, as once upon a time I believed the gender man could be trusted, giving too much when I didn't have to give shit, and having manners in a world where manners are slowly disappearing.
Oh and not doing my damn research. I didn't treat this like a job. I came here 3 years ago... thinking this would be some Eden where I'd be fanned with Banana leaves, all while my ass was being rubbed with cocoa butter by any dick with a pulse.
Heh.
Anyway, its interesting to be back.
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