The Quandary of Insta-Dommes

I already know what you're thinking the second you open this: where is this going to go?

Insta-dommes are seen as a huge annoyance to the findom crowd. Girls that pop up out of nowhere after reading about the subculture of the kink community for five minutes, making a Twitter/Tumblr/whatever account, and start heavily plugging the "fuck you, pay me" status updates like madwomen. Because of this, in a way, I've seen such an ugly stigma toward ANY new Dommes that suddenly appear or those that have yet to prove their mettle over time.

Here's my opinion.

I believe that a true Findomme needs to proceed with as much grace as aggression. While the subs here that are truly into the kink are grasping with need for the chance to be fully dominated -- utterly humiliated and used -- you do need to have some semblance of care for them. Doesn't matter how many clothes pins you have them snap onto their balls; they do put their trust in your capable hands. They look to you for guidance, for drainage, for pain (and pleasure when you finally allow it). Granted, slaves can get off on ignorance, but to just put in twenty minutes developing social media to drain paypigs, moving from one to the next without actually doing ANYTHING in return? It's not the niche for you. There has to be SOME effort on your part. Newer Dommes also need to be aware that they need to set themselves apart and be unique, and that in itself takes some time. Research, self-development, self-branding and promotion, etc. This is NOT just an easy buck by ANY stretch.

However, I try not to judge at face value. If a new Domme pops up in my Twitter or Findoms feed, I don't automatically start throwing shade at them in my head. I think it's definitely a matter of how you carry yourself. And if you see a Domme heading in the right way and stumbling?, ladies, I think you should give them a small supportive prod in the right direction. Remember that even if this community grows larger and larger with each second, we were all insta-dommes once. We need to support our sisters, like it or not. Hell, I have only been active in this part of the kink community for around a month. I just made sure to ask around and do plenty of research beforehand. I still stumble, but I'm starting to network with Dommes and it has helped a TON.




So, let me give you the tl;dr (too long, didn't read) version: If you are becoming a Domme, do your research before you fully immerse yourself. Watch videos on Youtube and Pornhub and everywhere else you can find. Look at blogs and take notes. Then look at yourself in the mirror and see how you can stand apart and make an impact. It's okay to be new, but remember to have grace, intelligence, and know-how before making your position public; there's more to findom than just "pay me and go away." But on the more experienced end, don't hesitate to offer advice and support to your fellow Dommes. Having a network of support is critical in any part of life and any community. And as a result, the subs will benefit from it... even if that benefit means we dress them up like our little French maids and make them pull out the clothespins. ;)