On Time, Tributes, and Attention

I've been thinking about writing this blog for the last couple of days, based on a few experiences, and a few blog posts. Something I'm sure that has been explored several times, the balance between time, attention, and tributes.

Of course any meaningful D/s relationship has to come from a deeper place than money->playtime. Getting to know each other a bit before trying something out makes a lot of sense, especially if you're looking for something long-term. That dynamic can grow and change and become something beautiful. The problem comes when a sub treats a Domme like a camgirl, but expects the Domme to treat him like a long-term pet. Most Dommes here offer things like Niteflirt calls, Kik or Skype sessions, videos, real-time sessions, etc. So a number of us yes, do offer a 'product'-I hate to use that term regarding Dommes, but I hope you understand what I mean. Often, I find subs approaching asking for one of those 'products'- they want Me to engage in their fetish. Watching them on cam, playing a game, phone or cam time, the list goes on and on. When I have an established relationship to a sub, of course these things happen naturally at times-but if a sub comes to Me with no rapport built and expects to get the 'services' of a Domme, but not pay the price for it, it becomes so insulting. I just think to Myself, "Do you know where you are?"

The important part of financial submission, in large part, is the sacrifice, at least to Me. That means different things to different subs, at different times. One of My favourite subs started very small, tributing smaller amounts, more infrequently. But he *always* respected My time. He knew that if he was tributing $20 once a week or less (often a lot less), he shouldn't expect Me to chat constantly. He knew if he wanted more of My time, it was only appropriate to tribute more. We got to know each other quite well over the course of several months, and now over a year later, we have developed a really great dynamic. A huge part of it was that, though we chatted often enough to get to know each other, he never expected to play if he hadn't tributed. A large number of Dommes here and elsewhere do offer money->thing. Socks, videos, even attention in the context of a Skype or Kik draining, etc, *in addition* to the desire to find lasting and meaningful dynamics with subs. I would hope that's not a stretch to say- so when a sub with no rapport approaches a Domme looking for one of these things, but doesn't expect to tribute or pay an appropriate amount, it's so counter-intuitive. You can't tell a Domme you want a long-term relationship, but treat Her like an object. You can't treat Her like an object, period. Especially not here.

As a Domme, when a sub approaches Me, I prefer a small tribute up front. I don't name a dollar amount- even $5 to show that this sub is serious about wanting My attention can tell Me that something is there. It doesn't have to be this way, necessarily, if it is clear the sub has taken the time to really try and engage with Me. However, at some point, very early on, I will expect that small tribute. We're on Findoms-not naughty pen pals. Financial Domination in its purest form is not always the primary fantasy of subs, but if they're not interested in it at all, or at least in tributing to please their Mistress, then being here serves no purpose. In particular, if their first message to Me is about what they want Me to do for them-they've come to the wrong place. Especially if what they're looking for is something I do offer, but they expect to set their own 'price'. Time and attention are the primary, precious assets of each Domme- demanding or expecting them at all is at best misguided. Expecting them without offering one's own primary assets as a sub (their tributes), is at its worst selfish and patriarchal-something that has no place in a Female Dominance community.