Does it exist, or am I looking for... nothing?

There was a time when I foolishly (or perhaps naïvely) believed that ownership was sacred. That taking such a step meant both Domme and sub wanted to become one, a living, breathing entity that included give and take, black and white, peace and chaos. Something unique, rare, beautiful. I was so hopeful that this could exist.

Those visions became cloudy once I witnessed the ease with which so many of these “relationships” formed. A few simple exchanges would lead to a proclamation—“I’m owned, I offer myself entirely to my Goddess.” Often lasting no more than days, I began to notice this with a regularity that left Me both skeptical and perplexed. Each new change of status was no different to Me than a drunken exchange of vows in a Las Vegas chapel. Something that had once seemed sentimental now looked cheap and bloated, a depressing mirage in the desert of female domination.

Have I changed? Have My standards become too high? Am I blind for believing that a beautiful D/s pairing is possible? I feel like I don’t know anymore, and that makes Me feel sad. You know that sinking feeling in your stomach when you feel disappointed? The sense of dropping that comes with heartbreak? It seems to hit Me regularly, making the whole concept of OWNING a submissive feel illusory. I want to believe (cue X-Files theme song), but how? Should I retire the hope I have to find a fulfilling FemDom relationship? Or should I truck on, despite My cynicism? Tell Me stories about how you found each other. Give Me hope. I want it, but I’m feeling so tired of the disappointment. The financial aspect is secondary in such a relationship, and I want it all. Gimme the gold.