Sui who?

Being on a few weeks of vacation, on break from most of the things that keeps Me held down for weeks at a time and in contact with only a couple of choice subs, I had a lot of time to think and look back on what I've gone through to be where I am presently. Then, as it happened, I realised I had surpassed now two years since joining this site and learning about financial Domination. I had been wanting to write up a blog for the past fortnight but, being busy with more fun things and being tired and not really knowing what exactly to blog about, I kept putting it off. I suppose, if anything, this post will be an amalgamation of My personal insights and journey over the past two years, as well as giving whomever is reading an insight into what I'm really like as a Dominant Woman.

Coming into financial domination turned out to be a process of Me growing into Myself. When I started, I had no idea what I was doing, really. The most I could really do was to fake it until I made it. I'll tell you now, that does not work.

But, in a way, I got lucky. I am fortunate that I can keep checking Myself enough not to get too lost in the matters of money. People in this scene can say that money is power, and that isn't incorrect. But I will never let money have more power over Me. I hold the power in My life and what is dealt within, not anything nor anyone else. That has helped Me keep a level head in things and remain calculated.

I am also very fortunate that I have been able to get along with many of the wonderful Dommes and Women in this scene. Admittedly, I didn't get into, and am not in this to make friends. So I count Myself doubly blessed to have found friendly company in the Dommes here in the past two years.

I've no idea why. I'm a lurker, a bit of a dork, not much of a talker, low-key a major Bitch. I never really put Myself out much to others, regardless the orientation or intent. Anyone who has happened to see Me around on here can attest to that lol.

That being said, I'm not that great of a Domme.

I mean, I am an amazing Domme. But still not that great of a Domme.

I am more quiet than most. I hardly reach out to men as potential subs, and of all the messages I get from those who are actually quite promising, well - I haven't even looked at any of My inboxes in the past week and a half.

I don't make Myself available. Sure, I could have phonelines on, make content, market Myself more - I have the capacity to do all this. I just. Don't feel like it, most of the time.

I am a Bitch. I'm cold. I keep My time exclusive beyond reason, sometimes.

But, at the same time, there are those who can attest to My kindness. Because, truly, the thing is, I am really nice. I do a lot of volunteer work. I am a beacon of guidance and strength to the majority of those in My life outside of D/s. I give My time to those who are really low in their lives and help them find a way away from suicide. I literally chose to study Psychology just so I could help others better. A lot of My life has revolved around anyone but Myself.

There came a point in My life when being all that just burnt Me out. Being nice and generous and so giving to others literally nearly killed Me.

In two years in this scene, you can imagine all the expletives I've been called by men that I wouldn't humour. It's not just online, either. Even in person, I've been seen as cold, a Bitch, intimidating, scary - by people who had never even spoken to Me before. In that time, I have turned away more dickheads and their wallets more often than not. In the business sense of things, I incur more loss than profit, monetarily.

But, ask the few submissive persons I have allowed to venture further with Me, they will say how kind I am, even whilst I can be scary and strict at the same time. I don't even have to brainwash them to think that.

Thing is, I really don't lose anything by turning away so many boys and their money. Despite ignoring almost all My Domme business the past week, I've been taken to two concerts and dining out almost every day, that others paid for. Even if I didn't have all that going on in My life, I still wouldn't let Myself be strung by what some wanker wants so I can have money off him.

When I was starting out and trying to build a presence for Myself online, what I understood from other Dommes in the scene is to build Myself up through a niche. Which is solid advice, frankly. Nonetheless, two years later, I still don't have a niche. Everyone has their things to take the most pride or pleasure in. Me? Honestly, I have always been a drifter, or in-betweener. In a constant state of duality. It isn't indecisiveness, that is just how I have always been. Finding pleasure in a lot of things, and not wanting to deny Myself of one for the sake of the other.

So really, there is very little I can put of Myself in some text on a screen for others to get a picture of what I am. So, I put very little. It does leave quite some to mystery and the imagination. Perhaps represents some air of exclusivity. Either love Me or hate Me, be intrigued or be bored. That's up to you. I leave it up to others to make the choice to step My way, or not.

If nothing else, the ambiguity of My presence can really bother people, and that's at least enough to amuse Me.

One problem it can pose, I suppose, is that it leaves Me not quite certain as to the kind of submissive I would want to create an appeal towards. Given My age, at 21, I could easily be a brat. Also, at this age, younger subs aren't really a viable option, and the older men have a predictable tendency to fall for the bratty young Woman. Though I do have My bratty moments, it is't really something that resonates with Me, to play to that character.

To say I am a sadist would be an understatement, quite frankly. I don't just enjoy inflicting pain, but turmoil and chaos, frustration. I can't really say that aloud much because it can scare people, apparently.

The way I present Myself most of the time, I appear stoic, in a way. Cool and collected, calculative, mature. I am. But, like I said, I have My moments. Sometimes I just like to poke at people. Sometimes I just want a thing and I don't care about the specifics, just give Me it.

The subs don't quite know what to expect of Me. For that, I don't really blame them.

As it were, external expectations and I have never gotten along well. Hence, the most I can say of Myself for others to get a picture of, is that I am a subversive. Meaning, I've the tendency, or intent, to subvert or overthrow, destroy, or undermine an established or existing system, especially a legally constituted government or a set of beliefs.

I suppose it doesn't quite help that I am rather in that transitional, experimental stage of the human life. Not 100% certain what to do and what to be. Almost spoiled for choices, stuck at a roundabout with so many new routes to take with as many new experiences along each one. I've been taking My time as a Domme and still am - hell, I've been been thinking about changing My name, but I'm sticking a pin in that for now. I grew up, but I am still growing up. There is still much left to learn out there, and about Myself. Strap yourself in for the ride or eat My dust.