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on July 10, 2016
What is it like to be a mature Domme who isn't a model in a Society that glorifies youth or "perfect bodies" over experience. Before I go into this let me tell you right now that this is not one bit against younger Ladies. We need you to carry on our beloved Lifestyle, Kinks and Fetishes. You have an important place here. One day you'll get to the point I am about to very bluntly describe here from the perspective of an older Lady who has been around for a long time. At least I hope you will, because that means you have become successful enough and loved what you do enough to stick it out for many years. So please gals, this is not attacking you, don't take it one bit like that. This is just a point of view from where I am sitting.
I didn't get into BDSM until I was 22 years old. I was never a Model type, always a big on the chubby side, my face was not cookie cutter pretty, I was that normal every day young woman next door. Matter of fact I dealt with some serious body issues since I had already a bit of a tummy and had already had my first gray hairs. Yup a long hard life was already behind me at that young of an age. Ironically I was an Exotic Dancer when I discovered BDSM. Funny really that I would go on stage and perform against so many "perfect" Diva's, but it was a way for me to show that even a woman who isn't perfect can be BEAUTIFUL and yes reject you just as easily. Of course there was more to all of that, but we'll leave it at that. Point being is that I still remember everything from being new, young, finding my way, undergoing training in real time to become a Mistress. Having to earn my stripes etc.
I was in a world where you had to earn your respect, had to show yourself worthy, and if you wanted to be accepted as a divine Lady, you learned your skills, safety, and so much more. You also showed respect to those who went before you and you appreciated the wisdom they shared with you. It was a different mindset in many ways. It was a very different time as well and yes there are many still around who remember the older days and are still in some ways "old school". You didn't serve your subs and coddled them, begged for their attention, or chased after them. You earned your place on the Throne via gaining experience and yes humbling yourself to ask those with more knowledge to train in under them if you had that opportunity. Oh and yes you did humble yourself, because if you tried to talk with "entitlement" or "disrespect" to those Mentors and Trainers, your ass was quickly reminded just why you were still on the totem pole. Aka you didn't know shit. Very different times and very different personalities.
Submissive boys and girls too were different in their attitudes and behaviors. BDSM was not as in the underground as it was in the 50's, 60's, and 70's, but was slowly starting to emerge a little more. However it was not a fad yet, openly discusses on national TV, put into vanilla movies etc. There wasn't social Media where you could just with the click of a mouse have access to literally 1000's of women claiming to be Mistresses. Oh no, you had to know someone who knew someone, get a reference from that person, show yourself truth worthy and literally apply for an appointment to even meet the Lady in Question. The more skilled and experienced the Lady the harder it was to gain her attention and her time. That's all BDSM and we are not focusing just on financial domination.
By the way newsflash puppets and poppets, the phrase financial domination wasn't coined until the late 1990's, but it has been around for about way back into History. Women have always required men to show their worth by being able to provide gifts and security for them. At least the types of women who valued them-selves. Ironically that goes even during those times when women were viewed as "second class" citizens and still had to fight for their rights. Oh but remember even that wasn't always that way, because if you go further back into ancient times and cultures women were revered.
Ok so yes financial domination been around a lot longer then you can even imagine. Women leading men to greatness even longer. Wise women have always been the driving force behind a men doing all he can to be his best possible self.
Ok enough of the history lesson here. The point I am attempting to make is that when I started out and for several years after experience and skills were more treasured then having the perfect body and being young. Youth wasn't glorified the way it is now and perfection was relative.
Enter the new levels, and I didn't call it generation on purpose, of BDSM, Kinks and Fetishes. Enter the time of the internet being huge and accessible to anyone. Enter information on anything you want at your fingertips and enter BDSM, Kinks and Fetishes now going mainstream. Anybody was able to have access to anything they wanted. Pornography became the newer teaching tools and let's be blunt pornography is illusion entertainment. You don't see the real behind the fictions but you wouldn't know any of that if you didn't have some kind of understanding of what safety is and what you have to watch for in order to keep your subs save. Lalala I am not writing a doctorate here so let me move on. I am sure you get the point.
Now suddenly we have 1000's of people coming out of the wood work who fancy themselves to be into BDSM on both sides. It looks like fun, but it is missing the deeper meaning. Some stay around because they are actually discovering them-selves in. Might for the first time finally have a word for what they have been feeling for so long or finally recognize their personality trades that will eventually lead to either being the Dom/me or sub/slave. The majority however only play at it because they are bored with regular sex.
Oh and BDSM can be sex inclusive of course, but it's not about sex. It's about sexuality and Power Exchange. Yes both actually. Remember that sexuality is a very wide and broad spectrum which includes sapiosexuality and even a-sexuality as well.
Where before boys would seek out women of Power who were able to take and keep control over them in a safe and consensual way and paid homage to them, served them, and appreciated the honor it was to do so because yes they did have to put one hell of a effort into even gaining the attention, that no longer is the case in general.
Now it's everywhere and you have easy access to any number of women who claim dominance. With so many women in many cases actually being stupid enough to fight over guys (raises eyebrows - I think you missed the point gals, the boys are supposed to fight to be noticed by you, not the other way around) and throwing them-selves at the feet of those guys (which yes you do in many cases) it suddenly stopped about skills and experience.
Now it became about those guys getting their cocks off and who beautiful, hot, etc a woman was. Now we suddenly so a glorification of youth rather then of experience. It's par for the course when it became so easy for guys to just roleplay at being submissive and get any chick they wanted. Sorry to put it that bluntly but yes that is happening more and more often.
So what does that have to do with mature Dommes and I am making this about me from this point on because I don't want to put words into anyone elses mouth. Remember I am the "no smoke and mirrors" bitch here. I am transparent.
It brings about the whole "once you are a certain age you are too old to be of interest" society into gear. Once again we are watching guys and younger women who are not thinking ahead (that's not all of you trust me, some of you are pretty darn smart) trying to force what is considered the "Elders" out on the pasture.
The one thing that happens when you have been living the lifestyle, have enjoyed your kinky and fetish nature, and actually pretty much devoted a huge chunk of your life to learning to be the best you can be, is that your standards and your demands will naturally be a lot higher then someone who is still learning them-selves. Come one folks that is normal.
Now so we have a society of guys who are not really looking to put effort in but to just get quick fixes at as low of a "price" as they can, and in some cases even try to reclaim their own "youth" by jerking off to someone half their age. You saw I said nothing about serving them, I said "jerking off" to them which these days we call "worship".
That alone is another topic however and I am skipping past it. Now I am watching guys acting like total fuckwads while at the same time claiming to be submissies and slaves, and in general have no respect for the Ladies they claim to wish to see as their superiors.
Goddess forbid you might actually demand respect or even just formality and they will not only ignore you but become snarky at you. They have a laundry list of "requirements" that makes you eligible to be their Goddess. Look how I just wrote that.... doesn't that even sound wrong? Now it's the guys who expect the women to jump through their hoops for a few bucks which they act like is a huge sacrifice and often is less then what you spend on a night out with someone you actually respect and want to impress. If you refuse to do so because yes again at my age I am sorry I know what I can expect from subs and what I am worth, you get overlooked, ignored and treated like you are just an annoyance.
Now that's not everyone, but it's frequent. Let me explain something to you darlings. EAch time you act that way you show women like me just how NOT submissive you truly are. You think you reject US, but in reality you would be rejected by US if you ever even tried to approach. Why? Because as much as Financial Dominas we love to take your money and have control over your finances and budgets etc. we still value our integrity and standards more.
I can't believe how many times now I have been in chatroom and guys greeted the young Ladies but couldn't bother opening their mouth to politely greet US more mature Dominas. I can't believe how many times I have been in chatroom now and some dude addressed me as Bella. I don't remember being married to that guy? WTF... How about Goddess Bella Donna or Ma'am. Formality and courtesy doesn't even cost you a dime, but it seems to be too much effort.
Let me wrap it up by saying. No I am not bitter and I understand that everything has to evolve. That's part of life and necessary for survival, but don't be stupid enough to discount those among US who have been around for a long time. We have a lot to offer you, but we do expect for you to put the effort in first in order to gain the benefit of what WE have to offer to you. My table is loaded with experiences and wisdom, but little boy what is it you bring to MY table?
Yes, that is exactly how I see things. I have been around for more years in BDSM than some of you younger boys have been alive and the same goes for the sweet upcoming gals, I don't have to impress you any longer, but gosh darn you are sure as hell underwhelming me with what you call submission these days.
Luckily for Me I am not going to give up, because if there is something else I have learned it's that you have to wade through a lot of shit and mud before you see that diamond in the rough emerge whom you can then polish and shape into a Treasure worthy of MY crown.
Goddess Bella Donna
I didn't get into BDSM until I was 22 years old. I was never a Model type, always a big on the chubby side, my face was not cookie cutter pretty, I was that normal every day young woman next door. Matter of fact I dealt with some serious body issues since I had already a bit of a tummy and had already had my first gray hairs. Yup a long hard life was already behind me at that young of an age. Ironically I was an Exotic Dancer when I discovered BDSM. Funny really that I would go on stage and perform against so many "perfect" Diva's, but it was a way for me to show that even a woman who isn't perfect can be BEAUTIFUL and yes reject you just as easily. Of course there was more to all of that, but we'll leave it at that. Point being is that I still remember everything from being new, young, finding my way, undergoing training in real time to become a Mistress. Having to earn my stripes etc.
I was in a world where you had to earn your respect, had to show yourself worthy, and if you wanted to be accepted as a divine Lady, you learned your skills, safety, and so much more. You also showed respect to those who went before you and you appreciated the wisdom they shared with you. It was a different mindset in many ways. It was a very different time as well and yes there are many still around who remember the older days and are still in some ways "old school". You didn't serve your subs and coddled them, begged for their attention, or chased after them. You earned your place on the Throne via gaining experience and yes humbling yourself to ask those with more knowledge to train in under them if you had that opportunity. Oh and yes you did humble yourself, because if you tried to talk with "entitlement" or "disrespect" to those Mentors and Trainers, your ass was quickly reminded just why you were still on the totem pole. Aka you didn't know shit. Very different times and very different personalities.
Submissive boys and girls too were different in their attitudes and behaviors. BDSM was not as in the underground as it was in the 50's, 60's, and 70's, but was slowly starting to emerge a little more. However it was not a fad yet, openly discusses on national TV, put into vanilla movies etc. There wasn't social Media where you could just with the click of a mouse have access to literally 1000's of women claiming to be Mistresses. Oh no, you had to know someone who knew someone, get a reference from that person, show yourself truth worthy and literally apply for an appointment to even meet the Lady in Question. The more skilled and experienced the Lady the harder it was to gain her attention and her time. That's all BDSM and we are not focusing just on financial domination.
By the way newsflash puppets and poppets, the phrase financial domination wasn't coined until the late 1990's, but it has been around for about way back into History. Women have always required men to show their worth by being able to provide gifts and security for them. At least the types of women who valued them-selves. Ironically that goes even during those times when women were viewed as "second class" citizens and still had to fight for their rights. Oh but remember even that wasn't always that way, because if you go further back into ancient times and cultures women were revered.
Ok so yes financial domination been around a lot longer then you can even imagine. Women leading men to greatness even longer. Wise women have always been the driving force behind a men doing all he can to be his best possible self.
Ok enough of the history lesson here. The point I am attempting to make is that when I started out and for several years after experience and skills were more treasured then having the perfect body and being young. Youth wasn't glorified the way it is now and perfection was relative.
Enter the new levels, and I didn't call it generation on purpose, of BDSM, Kinks and Fetishes. Enter the time of the internet being huge and accessible to anyone. Enter information on anything you want at your fingertips and enter BDSM, Kinks and Fetishes now going mainstream. Anybody was able to have access to anything they wanted. Pornography became the newer teaching tools and let's be blunt pornography is illusion entertainment. You don't see the real behind the fictions but you wouldn't know any of that if you didn't have some kind of understanding of what safety is and what you have to watch for in order to keep your subs save. Lalala I am not writing a doctorate here so let me move on. I am sure you get the point.
Now suddenly we have 1000's of people coming out of the wood work who fancy themselves to be into BDSM on both sides. It looks like fun, but it is missing the deeper meaning. Some stay around because they are actually discovering them-selves in. Might for the first time finally have a word for what they have been feeling for so long or finally recognize their personality trades that will eventually lead to either being the Dom/me or sub/slave. The majority however only play at it because they are bored with regular sex.
Oh and BDSM can be sex inclusive of course, but it's not about sex. It's about sexuality and Power Exchange. Yes both actually. Remember that sexuality is a very wide and broad spectrum which includes sapiosexuality and even a-sexuality as well.
Where before boys would seek out women of Power who were able to take and keep control over them in a safe and consensual way and paid homage to them, served them, and appreciated the honor it was to do so because yes they did have to put one hell of a effort into even gaining the attention, that no longer is the case in general.
Now it's everywhere and you have easy access to any number of women who claim dominance. With so many women in many cases actually being stupid enough to fight over guys (raises eyebrows - I think you missed the point gals, the boys are supposed to fight to be noticed by you, not the other way around) and throwing them-selves at the feet of those guys (which yes you do in many cases) it suddenly stopped about skills and experience.
Now it became about those guys getting their cocks off and who beautiful, hot, etc a woman was. Now we suddenly so a glorification of youth rather then of experience. It's par for the course when it became so easy for guys to just roleplay at being submissive and get any chick they wanted. Sorry to put it that bluntly but yes that is happening more and more often.
So what does that have to do with mature Dommes and I am making this about me from this point on because I don't want to put words into anyone elses mouth. Remember I am the "no smoke and mirrors" bitch here. I am transparent.
It brings about the whole "once you are a certain age you are too old to be of interest" society into gear. Once again we are watching guys and younger women who are not thinking ahead (that's not all of you trust me, some of you are pretty darn smart) trying to force what is considered the "Elders" out on the pasture.
The one thing that happens when you have been living the lifestyle, have enjoyed your kinky and fetish nature, and actually pretty much devoted a huge chunk of your life to learning to be the best you can be, is that your standards and your demands will naturally be a lot higher then someone who is still learning them-selves. Come one folks that is normal.
Now so we have a society of guys who are not really looking to put effort in but to just get quick fixes at as low of a "price" as they can, and in some cases even try to reclaim their own "youth" by jerking off to someone half their age. You saw I said nothing about serving them, I said "jerking off" to them which these days we call "worship".
That alone is another topic however and I am skipping past it. Now I am watching guys acting like total fuckwads while at the same time claiming to be submissies and slaves, and in general have no respect for the Ladies they claim to wish to see as their superiors.
Goddess forbid you might actually demand respect or even just formality and they will not only ignore you but become snarky at you. They have a laundry list of "requirements" that makes you eligible to be their Goddess. Look how I just wrote that.... doesn't that even sound wrong? Now it's the guys who expect the women to jump through their hoops for a few bucks which they act like is a huge sacrifice and often is less then what you spend on a night out with someone you actually respect and want to impress. If you refuse to do so because yes again at my age I am sorry I know what I can expect from subs and what I am worth, you get overlooked, ignored and treated like you are just an annoyance.
Now that's not everyone, but it's frequent. Let me explain something to you darlings. EAch time you act that way you show women like me just how NOT submissive you truly are. You think you reject US, but in reality you would be rejected by US if you ever even tried to approach. Why? Because as much as Financial Dominas we love to take your money and have control over your finances and budgets etc. we still value our integrity and standards more.
I can't believe how many times now I have been in chatroom and guys greeted the young Ladies but couldn't bother opening their mouth to politely greet US more mature Dominas. I can't believe how many times I have been in chatroom now and some dude addressed me as Bella. I don't remember being married to that guy? WTF... How about Goddess Bella Donna or Ma'am. Formality and courtesy doesn't even cost you a dime, but it seems to be too much effort.
Let me wrap it up by saying. No I am not bitter and I understand that everything has to evolve. That's part of life and necessary for survival, but don't be stupid enough to discount those among US who have been around for a long time. We have a lot to offer you, but we do expect for you to put the effort in first in order to gain the benefit of what WE have to offer to you. My table is loaded with experiences and wisdom, but little boy what is it you bring to MY table?
Yes, that is exactly how I see things. I have been around for more years in BDSM than some of you younger boys have been alive and the same goes for the sweet upcoming gals, I don't have to impress you any longer, but gosh darn you are sure as hell underwhelming me with what you call submission these days.
Luckily for Me I am not going to give up, because if there is something else I have learned it's that you have to wade through a lot of shit and mud before you see that diamond in the rough emerge whom you can then polish and shape into a Treasure worthy of MY crown.
Goddess Bella Donna
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