Ten Years Ago..

Ten Years Ago...

I was 18 years old. So naive about the world. I had a boyfriend for a short while who was quite the sub. I learned all sorts of fun things about myself. I loved humiliating him and being dominant in the bedroom. But it felt like a dirty secret. 

That ended as it often does. I was working some shitty retail job next to a real estate office where I met J. He was handsome and older. He looked like he belonged in the business world. He looked like he was a confident strong man. And he was, in the day to day.. 

J used to get me coffee from the stand in our works parking lot. One morning I saw him, no coffee in his hand. Jokingly I said "where's my coffee, J?" In a stern voice. "My apologies, right away Miss." He said in a suddenly small voice,  as he practically ran across the parking lot to the coffee shop. I stood there, feeling so.. good.. 

I felt powerful. 

I felt confident. 

I felt amazing. 

And he came back with my coffee. Handed it to me with a small bow of sorts, and a look on his face like I'll never forget. This strong and confident man suddenly looked small and weak in my presence. And I loved it. 

That night we exchanged texts about what happened. He explained what Findom was and asked me how I felt. Admittedly I felt a bit nervous about it. It was so different than anything I'd experienced. My only knowledge of anything similar was sugar daddy's and I certainly had no interest in THAT. He educated me, that it was vastly different. And then he sent $100. I stared at it, feeling.. turned on? 

From there our relationship grew. I met other people in the community. I did my research, and learned from others. All while draining and humiliating J. 

Then,  November 7th 2012, we did it in real time, instead of hiding behind a phone screen. I watched him kneel in front of me and it was like a switch flipped inside me. I didn't feel timid or ashamed. I felt true power and dominance as he counted out the cash and I demanded he kiss my boots. 

And here I am, exactly 10 years later. So thankful to J for teaching me to be myself and what a powerful woman I am.