Grab a snack

Grab a snack and beverage and get cozy, cause this one is a long one. If you came here to bitch on a writing about Findom... fuck off. I'll just delete your comments, so maybe go back to the redpill subreddits instead. Now let's get straight to it:

What is Findom? Whatever you make of it.

No, that's not a cop out. It's no different than any other kink. You can't say sadism is only this, bondage is only that, etc. There's no less communication, compatibility, and most important, CONSENT, in Findom than any other aspect of BDSM.

I'm not going to talk about controlling finances in the "I budget for us and give him an allowance" sense because most people don't think of that as the Findom Kink™ and honestly, I don't even do that... I hate budgeting and prefer to just put bills on autopay.

Findom, boiled down to it's basics, is providing monetary service. This comes in many forms: Gift cards, cash, bill paying, shopping excursions, etc. At the heart of it is a sub giving money in some form to a Domme. CONSENSUALLY. Don't fucking come at me with "well these scammer" no stfu, men are not robots getting programmed by catfish in a Nigerian basement to hand over their wallets. They're adults with free will.

Why it's hated: People are weird about money. I don't understand it so I'm not going to get into the psychology of it, but I think it probably has to do with money being required to maintain all manner of things, such as financial stability and social status. I really don't feel like I need to go into why more money = higher social status (real and perceived). This is Earth, and money talks whether you want to accept that reality or not. Money is life saving and life changing.

Why it's a kink: Money is power. You just read that last paragraph, right? Why the hell wouldn't someone be like "Yeah, give me some of that power?" (that is a rhetorical question).

Perhaps a lot of the negativity comes from the It's Not Real Unless It's In The Flesh crowd. A lot of Findom is done online, as a way for a sub to serve remotely. And this is where I get into the "why it works for me" portion of this writing. They are providing a real, tangible, usable service when they can't be there in person. Look, I don't have an inbox I want managed for me and I have absolutely zero use for a picture of your asshole outlined in a frilly garter belt. But money? Shiiiit, I can buy things I want with it. Things I normally wouldn't, like shoes or Polaroid film or fetish wear or sex toys. How in the hell is that not real dominance and submission? The sub just made me happy. He provided something that brought me joy. Maybe I used it to buy skincare, or the good orthotics for my shoes, or maybe I doubled my credit card payment for this month. You really going to try and tell me that wasn't service? "Oh but it's feels like a transaction" yeah relationships are transactional. You put in things, you get things back. Relationships fail when one person feels they're putting in more than they're getting back. Kinky relationships are no different.

Maybe you think the subs get nothing out of it, but that would require you to believe that men are incapable of making their own decisions about what brings them joy/subby feelings, in which case they would ALSO be unable to consent to ANY of the activities YOU want them to do. There's no practical difference between $100 and an hour of their time. YOU have assigned a True D/s Lens that you view D/s through, for whatever reason. Well I can't see out of your glasses, so don't try to make me wear them. I have my own prescription, and so do the subs.

But how is it a kink?" Well gee, do you feel all numb and bored when your sub rubs your feet after a long day and brings you dinner? No? You probably feel pretty good about it. He was useful! He was helpful! You feel all Dommly and shit. We'll assume he got to feel all Subby and shit too. Now instead of a foot rub, it was sending you $100 to buy the good skincare. The stuff you don't normally spend your money on (substitute whatever guilty pleasure you have). I was pretty damn excited to buy some Paula's Choice with someone else's money, because I wasn't going to spend it on myself. And he was pretty damn happy to see me that happy.

And yes there can be elements of humiliation to Findom, which is some people's objection to it, but it's certainly not required. You can add an element of humiliation to any kink activity. It's all in the mindset, remember? Activities aren't inherently dominant or submissive, it's in the intent. Since I personally like humiliation and degradation, I enjoy being able to add those elements in. Things like cuckholding to me are boring on their own, but if a sub is paying for dinner for me AND my boyfriend, then it's hot. I'm going to enjoy sending him pictures of us, pictures of the expensive food and drinks we ordered, tell him how I can't wait to get railed later by my stud of a man, and remind him of how he's doing this because that's all he's worth. Remember that he CONSENTED to and ASKED for this. This is authentic (whatever the fuck that means) submission to him. You don't get to yuck his yum. Or mine.

When I find someone who wants this sort of thing, it's like finding an emerald in the wild. The majority of men are submission fantasist, wanting nothing more than attention. You know it, I know it. Finding that one that is serious is great, because honestly, I find most men insufferable anyway, and you add in all the porny stereotypes they want to live out and I'm bored and annoyed in minutes.

One more thing: The majority of those women you see on social media who say they are findoms are full of shit. Assume about 1% have ever had a man send so much as a buck to them. So instead of being like "omg all these women out here just taking men's money," understand that they ain't taking shit. There's some weird idea that you are more likely to catch a paypig by acting like you just have soooo many paypigs already. I don't get it, and I don't think it works. It's incredibly easy to fake a screenshot of Cashapp or Venmo or make a stack of money look like it's more money than it actually is. I don't think this is one of those "fake it 'til you make it" scenarios.

And tbh, I don't want a sub that sends to any random woman. If you're that indiscriminate, then keep doing that; I'll continue to wait for a sub that picks me for me. I'm still not a fetish dispenser.

And now for the burning question you're probably all wanting to know: Yes, I do get aroused by money. As in I will literally get horny. I have absolutely fantasized about Findom during masturbation (usually with some elements of emotional sadism thrown in).

  Money is power, it makes me hot, and it would be great if you'd stop your kink shaming, male-infantalizing bullshit by discounting it