On Power, Symbols, and Making Things Your Own

So, I've been thinking a lot recently about some areas of contention between Dommes. Those little disagreements about what's "proper," or what makes someone a "real Domme," or which way we "should" portray ourselves. My intention with this blog isn't to stir up controversy, but rather, to have a discussion about some of these things.

I'm sure we've all seen it. "A real Domme wouldn't do X. A Domme worth her salt wouldn't wear Y. Dommes have to do Z."

In my opinion, there's no "should" or "shouldn't" to being a Domme, not in such a micromanaging way. If you dominate, if you own, if you inspire submission, you're a Domme. You can take those societal expectations and mold them to suit your own purposes, because that's what a powerful, intelligent, independent Woman does.

A collar is a symbol of ownership and submission… if you let it be.

"Daddy" is a male term… if you let it be.

Being nice and friendly makes you seem weak… if you let yourself seem weak.

At the end of the day, it's all about you. Society can tell you that X means Y all you want, but you're the one with all the power in the equation.

If a Domme wears a collar, she can do it because it makes her neck look great. Because she likes the way it completes her outfit. Because she owns herself, and she can do what she wants with her body.

If a Domme goes by male titles and pronouns, she can do it because she owns her own gender expression, and she's still just as valid a Woman as any other. She's not diminishing or abandoning Womanhood because of it.

If a Domme is kind and bubbly rather than strict and mean, she can do it because she's confident in her style of domination, and not everyone needs to be a "fuck you, pay me" sort of person to be a good Dominant. Not every Domme takes her Domination style out of play and implements it into her vanilla interactions, either. (And, I mean… Can you blame someone for not wanting to share that side of themselves for free?)

I could go on and on about all the little things I've seen throughout the years. The petty squabbles and long debates over what's "proper" domination. But here's the thing:

D/s is about Domination and submission. If one side is Dominant and the other side submits, you're engaging in D/s. It doesn't matter what you look like, how you give your orders, how often you engage in play, how many subs you have, or anything else that people love to get up in arms about. Your sexual and emotional dynamic is yours to own, and the only thing you "shouldn't" do is let someone else dictate how you should experience those emotions.

We're Dommes. We're powerful, sexy, and just plain better than most people, if you want to get a little egotistical (and believe me, I do). We're stronger when we build each other up and celebrate our differences, not tear each other down over surface-level issues.

So, let's be stronger together!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments down below. What does D/s mean to you? Are there "rules" you put in place in your own mind for how Dommes and subs should act? Have you ever struggled with coming to terms with your unique style? Sound off!