A little more about Me

I was born April 8th 1970 in Germany and was raised by a foster family 60 years older than me. My blood line is Hungarian (Roma / Gypsy) and Sicilian, but obviously I wasn't raised by them. I grew up in a very strict sort of household and to say that I was about the furthest thing from a spoiled Princess would be almost an understatement of the Century. It was a very different type of upbringing then what most might have had and I would almost say that those who grew up in the "Depression Area" here might have the best chance of understanding the type of mindset that I grew up under. My Foster Father was in the African Corp (yes Germany WWII) and his own kids were part of the Hitler Youth. I am no stranger to abuse either and that includes verbal, emotional, physical and yes even sexual long before I became an adult. Growing up I was told that "I was fat, ugly, stupid and had no right to live" by My foster mother.

I had a heart attack before I ever turned 18, battled and won Cancer in my teenage years and have been cancer free since. I was in a Wheelchair for one year after an accident that had damaged my lower back and was told that I would never be able to walk again really. I was raped at 12, had triplets at 13 and had them taken away from me (country laws). My next child died on SID when she was just 5 months old.

I was diagnosed with Bi-polar Manic Depressive and before I hit adulthood I had close to 14 suicide attempts which for some crazy reason never came to fruition obviously. I was always found right before it was too late.

My first job was at 14 in a Furniture Factory where I lifted heavy boxes all day. I would go to School, get off and get to work, work until about 10 pm at night, do my chores at home and my homework. At the end of the week I handed my paycheck over for the household.

Now why I am telling you this and trust when I say that was only part of my early life. There were times I thought I would never even see 30 years of age and I am 46 years old now.

This is not a post to make you feel sorry for Me, far from it because it is my own personal success story. YES Success, because in order for something to be a victory and a success you have to overcome some sort of obstacle or hardship first of all.

I have no idea how many times in My life I have been told that I can't do something, can't overcome something, can't get past something etc. "Can't" has been pretty much something that I have personally eradicated from MY vocabulary when it comes to myself. For Me there is no such thing as "can't". There is I don't want to, I feel like it, it seems impossible at the moment, I had enough of it, but can't just doesn't exist.
Not after living through all this stuff and coming out on the other side one pretty darn strong woman who is amazingly well balanced.

Every day seems to bring a new challenge at times, but what are challenges? A challenge is an opportunity for greatness. It's an opportunity to step out of yourself and to learn just how much you can actually achieve if you stop making excuses and really try.

In a twisted way I am grateful for all the really messed up things that happened to Me. Oh don't get Me wrong I wish they didn't happen, but they made Me who I am these days. Every single situation good or bad, each single person I have had contact with be that good or bad, was an opportunity for Me to learn something new, get past something inside of Myself and come out on top. Oh and I LOVE (yup that special word) coming out on TOP. Period. End of statement. I love to win and I will always win in some way.

I remember being 19 years old and something else really bad happened and I sitting on a beach in California crying my eyes out and screaming to the heavens that I can't take this anymore. That enough was enough already and that I deserved to have a good and much easier life. I remember thinking that I had finally after all of this had reached my breaking point and that I just wanted it to be over with.

A little old Lady walking her puddle (yup I remember even that) came over to Me and sat herself in the sand next to me. She put her arm around me (a total stranger) and asked me what was wrong. I told her and I told her pretty much all the rest. What she said next to Me changed My life and put things in perspective for Me.

You been through all of this and still you are here. You tried to take your own life so many times and still you are here. You were told you wouldn't walk again and yet you walk just fine and as you said you even are a Dancer. You battled illnesses and won. Have you ever thought that just maybe you are being groomed for greatness? Have you ever thought that just maybe you are going through all of this so you can be self-reliant and that you can lead others in a way you may yet to imagine? Have you ever thought that everything you said " I can't do this anymore" to in the past are the same things you somehow DID and overcame? There is no such thing as "Can't" not really, not when you have such a strong will and sense of survival as you have already proven you have. You feel sorry for yourself right now, and that is ok. Is it unfair and does it seem overwhelming? Yes I am sure it is and does, but that doesn't give you the right to give up. You are needed, you just don't know yet where and how.

That was the help she gave me that day and it took me a while for it to sink in.

I learned to control and overcome being bi-polar many years ago. I did it without medication and yes it was tough at first, but I learned to pretty much control myself. I became hyper self-aware of all of my emotions, of my body, of every little thing and I learned how to counter act it. I am very protective over those who are dear to me and that includes those who serve Me, but I will also no longer allow anyone to be abusive to Me in any way.

I always say that My time is valuable and that I will not squander it on anyone or anything that is not worthy of even a single moment of it. I won't because I know the value of time all too well.

I have no time for liars, for people who make excuses for why they can't do something etc. I don't because I know that where there is a will there is always a way. Sometimes it's just a really tough way to take, but if you want something badly enough you'll do it.

I gained a quirky sense of humor over my lifespan and I always look for the silver lining. If I screw up, I'll apologize, because I have learned that actions always have consequences and that allowing your Ego to keep you from putting things right will cost you more than you can pay in the end.

I laughingly say that I was literally raised by the universal village, because a lot of the wisdom that I gained came from those much older than Me from all over. I learned the value of respect and that manners are not obsolete. I learned that unless you keep yourself to high standards, you will end up being dragged into the gutter. I learned that not everyone will treat you the way you deserve and should be treated, but you don't have to put up with it and you don't have to allow those people to be part of your life either.

I learned that kindness is one of the strongest gifts I as a woman have, but that I will never allow anyone to abuse My kindness and when it is time to put MY foot down.

I learned that everyone has an Agenda, but most are not honest about telling you what it is. I am very straight forward about what I desire, demand, and will do.

I have become a rebel with a cause over the years. I have broken the "rule" of keeping your life private especially as a Domina, because in many ways it is through My transparency that I have taught and continue to teach others that there is always a way of turning lemons into Lemonade.

I have absolutely no tolerance for stupidity and very little patience for continued ignorance. Ignorance is not bliss folks.

I refuse to be anyone but who I am and if that isn't good enough for you, then sorry but you can go to "Disneyland" (remember Hell is full). It will always be more your loss than mine in the end. That is not being shallow or having a God complex, it is a fact. Those who are meant to be part of your life will be and the rest, well there is the door.

I wasn't raised like a spoiled little Princess, but I will be treated like a treasured and loved Queen and Goddess by MY slaves or I won't have them at My feet for long. My life had way too many bad times in it for Me to allow myself to give anyone the opportunity to give Me cause for more tears and heart break. That doesn't mean I won't take a chance on you if you seem sincere, but it means that if you don't do what you are told, try to string Me along, or otherwise act like someone who doesn't understand the honor it is to serve ME, you will be gone quicker than you think. I'll turn my back on you and keep on walking. Good luck with someone else.

I don't play "One upmanship" with other women either. I don't have to. Boys who attempt to pit women against each other bore Me. Males who have no respect for women honestly disgust me. Women who try to destroy another woman just to make themselves feel or look better, make Me sick to My stomach. I have no interest in knowing any of them and I won't play that game either.

What I want is 6 special submissive devotees who know their place with Me, are completely devoted to My happiness and can accept that they will be guided and controlled by Me with kindness and strictness as it should be. I don't play the, oh you don't have to tribute Me game and money isn't important game either, because if that was the case I wouldn't have a financial fetish. Tributing is part of serving Me and yes it is part of worshiping Me as well.

I wont' be for everyone, I say that all the time, but that is ok, because neither are you. I want to be surrounded by those that bring Me pleasure to be around. Those I can look forward to spending time with and teaching them how to be the best slaves they can for Me. I want the best possible matches to Me and for that we have to have complimentary personalities and the same basic outlook of what being in a D/s relationship means.

I put a lot of effort into everything I do and I will not accept any less from those who kneel to Me either. This Goddess leads by example and I lead with an extremely strong mind which knows that EVERYTHING you truly desire is possible. So if you tell Me I can't, then I know you just haven't tried hard enough and that means you better get back to your drawing board and try again.

You get one chance with Me to make a first impression, it's really difficult for you to make a good second one with Me if you even get the chance if you screwed that first one up.

I don't accept failure from myself nor from you and I now that is scary for you boys, because you have been taught that things should be easy for you and that serving a Goddess is all about fun for you. Well darlings it can be fun for both sides, but ONLY if you are putting the effort into it. I have high standards, but that means that those who make it in MY REALM and at MY feet, can be proud of themselves too and I sure will be of them. Why? Because the harder it is to gain someones favor, the more honor it brings with it.

Well there you go, a little more about me.

Goddess Bella Donna