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on May 29, 2016
Goddess Bella Donna's Sunday Musings May 29
I have removed a couple of posts from my personal blog which had talked about my recent struggle and issues which I had to deal with. Thanks to a very good boy those problems have been dealt with and in a way it restored my belief that there are still some good boys left out there. I am still a bit saddened about the necessity of mass dismissal which was the result of disrespect and blunt disobedience in my personal Hisem and toy box, but that is water under the bride now. I chose to see it as a positive cleansing of worthless rubbish and an opening up of space for those who deserve the honor of belonging to Me instead. As always there are two sides to very coin.
The East Coast trip was cancelled as you know if you had read one of the posts I have now deleted and after much reflection on it I see that just maybe it is for the best for now. When things go as wrong as they did to stop Me from doing something there usually is a very good reason I am just not aware of yet. More and likely it kept me out of some harms way that might have befalling Me if I would have pushed through to go. So for now I am heading to Oregon and Washington State instead for the next 3 to 4 months. Making my way up along the Hwy 101 Coastline looks like it will be rather fun as well and keep Me out of the high heat. A long time ago I lived in Portland Oregon, but never really got to explore that Coastline, so it will still be somewhere new for Me to discover.
Nevada, California and Arizona has over the last few years proven to be a place where a BBW Femdom Goddess like myself is not someone who can find good submissive servants but instead is filled with a lot of very entitled boys and sissies who lack the concept of what service is all about and seem to have a very skewered idea of what an honor it is to be allowed to kneel to Me in person. Here it seems to be very much a "Hollywood" mentality which translates to they are looking more for illusions then actual submission. Body size, Age, and trappings seem to be more important to them then actual skills and experience. For the longest time this angered Me, but now I just feel a sorry for them, because they sadly will never truly achieve their dreams.
It is my hope that I will encounter a better and more pleasing attitude in Oregon and Washington State and once I arrive there will begin to open up a few opportunities for real time Pro-Domination Sessions for BDSM oriented submissives as well as Cashpoint Meets for the financial fetish boys and subs. How it will turn out remains to be seen, but I do have high hopes that I will be a lot more pleased then here. I know that regions and areas often times dictate mentality. I still remember the places in the North and Midwest where I once lived and had brought Me many wonderful submissive males and females to serve Me in real time. A pleasure I aim to find duplicated in time. I am who I am and the right matches on the submissive front will appear when the time is right. That is a deep belief I have held always and won't change any time soon. Unlike what so many seem to think online, dominance doesn't come with an expiration date and doesn't end with the change of your body size or age. Once it is born within you and has sprung to life, has been nourished and your skills and understanding gained, it will be there until the day you die. For a Domme who carries it in her blood and core, there is no such thing as full retirement. We will always have that desire and need to control and guide within us. Some may opt to move on to simply become mentors and guardians if they have been to disillusioned with how things have changed, but it would only take one good and right submissive service to bring that fire back to flame. As for Me I have no such desire to retire for many years to come and will continue to remain active. A mediation I have held with myself for several weeks and a decision that was clear and steadfast.
No I haven't given up on going to the East Coast eventually either, but for now I am not going to worry about it any longer. It will happen when the time is right and if that means it takes me a couple more years so be it. Yes admittedly it is difficult for Me to adept this type of mindset since I have that natural drive in Me to control every situation I find myself in, but I suppose sometimes I just have to accept that I can't put My head through no matter what and have to yield in grace to what I cannot control. For someone like me that is very difficult, but not impossible. Nothing is impossible sometimes it just takes more time than I would like. Haha.
In hindsight this RVing Journey of mine has turned into a series of very important life lessons already and even if I don't enjoy some of them they are very important in the end. I have over and over been shown how different people behave and interact, how very different the importance of words and with that integrity seems to be taken in real time versus online. The meaning of the words "Keeping it real" that we see often online is far removed from what "keeping it real" in the real world is. Online much of that "realness" is still nothing more than a series of illusions we give to others in order to cater to their desires and fantasies. In the real world - realness becomes very real indeed, and now carries consequences with them for either good or ill. Ever so often when this virtual world of ours feels like it is a vacuum and a void in which everyone speaks but nobody ever listens in I step outside and away to interact with people who are sincere in their desires to interact and make a connection with one another. Where relying on each other, sharing with one another, and helping each other out when possible or just for the joy of it, is just common sense or practice and how we as humans continue our species on and learn from each other. What the media pushes into your face constantly to sway your minds one way or the other is only a minuscule part of what you really encounter and by no means represents the real world we live in. Does it exist, that evil, that suffering, that bigotry? Of course it exists, but is a lot less widespread then the media would have us believe. There is just as much beauty, kindness, unity and more to be found. Remember that when you listen to the various groups of people out there who want to make it appear as if humanity is nothing but dastardly. Each of them is pushing their agenda and as always a people divided is a lot easier to control and conquer. Don't allow that to happen. Look for yourself and make your own choices, form your own opinions based on what you experience, not on what you hear from others. That goes just as much for our Fetish and Kink communities where so many things are destroyed by the lack of individual responsibility and ability to judge for yourself.
This dream of mine, this RVing Journey that I pretty much left everything behind for, was supposed to be about an exploration of the many places and people in this fine Nation of ours which I had not had the pleasure of seeing yet and encountering yet. I wanted to expand My horizons and since I am originally from Europe, it was the USA that holds that thrall for Me. I had hoped that as I went along I would also be able to meet some of those boys and sissies who had served Me online for so long when I first talked about it. I wanted to be able to hug them and have them kneel to Me in real time. Put them through the paces I had conditioned them into online. Give them that wonderful opportunity so many subs and slaves can only dream about due to their personal circumstances to truly place a kiss to My feet and hand, and serve Me as they desired for so very long. To spend quality time with Me.
Since then those who originally had been counted among them have gone and those who have entered since don't seem to have what it takes to stick around long enough to earn that privilege. I of course always hope that a true treasure will reveal itself in time and that I will find My special 6 which I have always spoken about. My 6 true servants and slaves who will place Me above them-selves as is proper. I had that wonderful experience in the past before our kinky world began to change so much and I still believe it remains possible again. It has just become a lot more difficult now to find those wonderful connections then it once was because everything is so diluted now. Still there are many who seek the same thing and eventually they will find Me if it is meant to be.
It has turned into more than that so as well. This journey in many ways has become a spiritual and very life altering journey as well. As I said I am learning life lesson after life lesson, and many of the things I see as I meet with other people has really changed my outlook on a lot of different things. That is such a deep blessing you can't even begin to imagine for someone like myself who always seeks to evolve and better herself.
I know that these days when I watch people interact with one another online it feels completely different to Me then it did when I was still in Las Vegas and pretty much inside My house most of the time working, doing sessions, etc. When my entire life had more or less become about Fetish, Kink and the Business World I am part of. Having really been out there now among so many diverse people who were not just people that I would have picked to surround myself with because that was m comfort zone, but stepping out meeting and getting to really know people whom I otherwise never would have, puts a different view point on a lot of pettiness and ignorance. It puts a different feeling on entering a virtual room and being dissed by people then it did before. That feeling is one of apathy now instead of a feeling of hurt or outrage for the disrespect. Why? Because it no longer has a real impact on me. Virtual is just that, a small world outside of a big world, and when I close the window it no longer matters. I keep the good with Me and forget about the rest. Consider it a weeding out of sorts and a wonderful way of realizing just how much power you have to not let negative things affect you as a person. Too many forget that and that is often times what causes low self-esteem, self-doubt, and depression in many. As one of MY favorite people of all times said, the fabulous RuPaul : What other people think about Me is none of My business! Words to live by. In the end it's always their loss a lot more than mine.
My eyes have been ripped wide open by this journey and I am ever so grateful for it, because it reminds Me daily that even so I am a Goddess in my own right, when it comes down to brass tacks I am just another human being doing the very best they can in a huge world of amazing individuals who have experienced so much. It keeps you humble to a point and reminds me of MY true self-worth instead of buying into MY own hype all the time.
I am very much a person who attempts their very best to put things into their right category. I hold D/s, M/s, Pro-domination / submissive - client, fetish boys paying for fetish sessions / submissive boys serving Me, Adult Business Service Provider / Femdom Goddess apart. Each is special and important in their own way, but they are not the same thing and must be treated differently by their very nature. To me there is no shame in either, but it also places me firmly in different positions with different people.
In the real world both kinky and vanilla it reminds that I am both Teacher and Student, Sister in a Sisterhood of women that YES does exist out there still and both so many more sides of the same coin that are so often forgotten. I never imagined that I needed that reminder, but I did. Over the years I had forgotten a lot of the truth that we tend to forget when we remove ourselves from reality and are placed upon those lofty thrones. We tend to try to hide our humanity and inner core which at times can be ugly as well. Oh yes darlings we all have good and bad within us, beauty and ugliness. We are so many things all rolled in one and not just perfect glittering creatures untouchable by love, life, sorrow and more. I say it again, we are all human beings with that fallible.
Now I know this wasn't an arousing or purely fetish oriented post. I know that it may even seem as if it doesn't belong here, but it does. It does because it is a deeper look into Me - not just as THE Goddess Bella Donna, but Me as the woman name Regina. The normal every day human being who lives and learns something new every single day and is glad for it.
I leave you with this thought today. Examine your mind daily and don't buy into your own hype so much that you lose who you are. You are so much more then what you present yourself to be. All the titles in the world don't mean anything if the person behind it has lost their balance and their core. Don't recoil or hide your imperfections because they are what make you so perfectly you, your weaknesses and strengths make you amazing, and by remember that and embracing all that you are without fear, you will become so much more than even you can dream of. I know I have and I may not like all that I will learn as I continue on My journey, but I will always be grateful for it in the end. Because it already has and will continue to make Me a worthy Goddess and Queen walking this Earth and being a real part of the world we live in.
Goddess Bella Donna
I have removed a couple of posts from my personal blog which had talked about my recent struggle and issues which I had to deal with. Thanks to a very good boy those problems have been dealt with and in a way it restored my belief that there are still some good boys left out there. I am still a bit saddened about the necessity of mass dismissal which was the result of disrespect and blunt disobedience in my personal Hisem and toy box, but that is water under the bride now. I chose to see it as a positive cleansing of worthless rubbish and an opening up of space for those who deserve the honor of belonging to Me instead. As always there are two sides to very coin.
The East Coast trip was cancelled as you know if you had read one of the posts I have now deleted and after much reflection on it I see that just maybe it is for the best for now. When things go as wrong as they did to stop Me from doing something there usually is a very good reason I am just not aware of yet. More and likely it kept me out of some harms way that might have befalling Me if I would have pushed through to go. So for now I am heading to Oregon and Washington State instead for the next 3 to 4 months. Making my way up along the Hwy 101 Coastline looks like it will be rather fun as well and keep Me out of the high heat. A long time ago I lived in Portland Oregon, but never really got to explore that Coastline, so it will still be somewhere new for Me to discover.
Nevada, California and Arizona has over the last few years proven to be a place where a BBW Femdom Goddess like myself is not someone who can find good submissive servants but instead is filled with a lot of very entitled boys and sissies who lack the concept of what service is all about and seem to have a very skewered idea of what an honor it is to be allowed to kneel to Me in person. Here it seems to be very much a "Hollywood" mentality which translates to they are looking more for illusions then actual submission. Body size, Age, and trappings seem to be more important to them then actual skills and experience. For the longest time this angered Me, but now I just feel a sorry for them, because they sadly will never truly achieve their dreams.
It is my hope that I will encounter a better and more pleasing attitude in Oregon and Washington State and once I arrive there will begin to open up a few opportunities for real time Pro-Domination Sessions for BDSM oriented submissives as well as Cashpoint Meets for the financial fetish boys and subs. How it will turn out remains to be seen, but I do have high hopes that I will be a lot more pleased then here. I know that regions and areas often times dictate mentality. I still remember the places in the North and Midwest where I once lived and had brought Me many wonderful submissive males and females to serve Me in real time. A pleasure I aim to find duplicated in time. I am who I am and the right matches on the submissive front will appear when the time is right. That is a deep belief I have held always and won't change any time soon. Unlike what so many seem to think online, dominance doesn't come with an expiration date and doesn't end with the change of your body size or age. Once it is born within you and has sprung to life, has been nourished and your skills and understanding gained, it will be there until the day you die. For a Domme who carries it in her blood and core, there is no such thing as full retirement. We will always have that desire and need to control and guide within us. Some may opt to move on to simply become mentors and guardians if they have been to disillusioned with how things have changed, but it would only take one good and right submissive service to bring that fire back to flame. As for Me I have no such desire to retire for many years to come and will continue to remain active. A mediation I have held with myself for several weeks and a decision that was clear and steadfast.
No I haven't given up on going to the East Coast eventually either, but for now I am not going to worry about it any longer. It will happen when the time is right and if that means it takes me a couple more years so be it. Yes admittedly it is difficult for Me to adept this type of mindset since I have that natural drive in Me to control every situation I find myself in, but I suppose sometimes I just have to accept that I can't put My head through no matter what and have to yield in grace to what I cannot control. For someone like me that is very difficult, but not impossible. Nothing is impossible sometimes it just takes more time than I would like. Haha.
In hindsight this RVing Journey of mine has turned into a series of very important life lessons already and even if I don't enjoy some of them they are very important in the end. I have over and over been shown how different people behave and interact, how very different the importance of words and with that integrity seems to be taken in real time versus online. The meaning of the words "Keeping it real" that we see often online is far removed from what "keeping it real" in the real world is. Online much of that "realness" is still nothing more than a series of illusions we give to others in order to cater to their desires and fantasies. In the real world - realness becomes very real indeed, and now carries consequences with them for either good or ill. Ever so often when this virtual world of ours feels like it is a vacuum and a void in which everyone speaks but nobody ever listens in I step outside and away to interact with people who are sincere in their desires to interact and make a connection with one another. Where relying on each other, sharing with one another, and helping each other out when possible or just for the joy of it, is just common sense or practice and how we as humans continue our species on and learn from each other. What the media pushes into your face constantly to sway your minds one way or the other is only a minuscule part of what you really encounter and by no means represents the real world we live in. Does it exist, that evil, that suffering, that bigotry? Of course it exists, but is a lot less widespread then the media would have us believe. There is just as much beauty, kindness, unity and more to be found. Remember that when you listen to the various groups of people out there who want to make it appear as if humanity is nothing but dastardly. Each of them is pushing their agenda and as always a people divided is a lot easier to control and conquer. Don't allow that to happen. Look for yourself and make your own choices, form your own opinions based on what you experience, not on what you hear from others. That goes just as much for our Fetish and Kink communities where so many things are destroyed by the lack of individual responsibility and ability to judge for yourself.
This dream of mine, this RVing Journey that I pretty much left everything behind for, was supposed to be about an exploration of the many places and people in this fine Nation of ours which I had not had the pleasure of seeing yet and encountering yet. I wanted to expand My horizons and since I am originally from Europe, it was the USA that holds that thrall for Me. I had hoped that as I went along I would also be able to meet some of those boys and sissies who had served Me online for so long when I first talked about it. I wanted to be able to hug them and have them kneel to Me in real time. Put them through the paces I had conditioned them into online. Give them that wonderful opportunity so many subs and slaves can only dream about due to their personal circumstances to truly place a kiss to My feet and hand, and serve Me as they desired for so very long. To spend quality time with Me.
Since then those who originally had been counted among them have gone and those who have entered since don't seem to have what it takes to stick around long enough to earn that privilege. I of course always hope that a true treasure will reveal itself in time and that I will find My special 6 which I have always spoken about. My 6 true servants and slaves who will place Me above them-selves as is proper. I had that wonderful experience in the past before our kinky world began to change so much and I still believe it remains possible again. It has just become a lot more difficult now to find those wonderful connections then it once was because everything is so diluted now. Still there are many who seek the same thing and eventually they will find Me if it is meant to be.
It has turned into more than that so as well. This journey in many ways has become a spiritual and very life altering journey as well. As I said I am learning life lesson after life lesson, and many of the things I see as I meet with other people has really changed my outlook on a lot of different things. That is such a deep blessing you can't even begin to imagine for someone like myself who always seeks to evolve and better herself.
I know that these days when I watch people interact with one another online it feels completely different to Me then it did when I was still in Las Vegas and pretty much inside My house most of the time working, doing sessions, etc. When my entire life had more or less become about Fetish, Kink and the Business World I am part of. Having really been out there now among so many diverse people who were not just people that I would have picked to surround myself with because that was m comfort zone, but stepping out meeting and getting to really know people whom I otherwise never would have, puts a different view point on a lot of pettiness and ignorance. It puts a different feeling on entering a virtual room and being dissed by people then it did before. That feeling is one of apathy now instead of a feeling of hurt or outrage for the disrespect. Why? Because it no longer has a real impact on me. Virtual is just that, a small world outside of a big world, and when I close the window it no longer matters. I keep the good with Me and forget about the rest. Consider it a weeding out of sorts and a wonderful way of realizing just how much power you have to not let negative things affect you as a person. Too many forget that and that is often times what causes low self-esteem, self-doubt, and depression in many. As one of MY favorite people of all times said, the fabulous RuPaul : What other people think about Me is none of My business! Words to live by. In the end it's always their loss a lot more than mine.
My eyes have been ripped wide open by this journey and I am ever so grateful for it, because it reminds Me daily that even so I am a Goddess in my own right, when it comes down to brass tacks I am just another human being doing the very best they can in a huge world of amazing individuals who have experienced so much. It keeps you humble to a point and reminds me of MY true self-worth instead of buying into MY own hype all the time.
I am very much a person who attempts their very best to put things into their right category. I hold D/s, M/s, Pro-domination / submissive - client, fetish boys paying for fetish sessions / submissive boys serving Me, Adult Business Service Provider / Femdom Goddess apart. Each is special and important in their own way, but they are not the same thing and must be treated differently by their very nature. To me there is no shame in either, but it also places me firmly in different positions with different people.
In the real world both kinky and vanilla it reminds that I am both Teacher and Student, Sister in a Sisterhood of women that YES does exist out there still and both so many more sides of the same coin that are so often forgotten. I never imagined that I needed that reminder, but I did. Over the years I had forgotten a lot of the truth that we tend to forget when we remove ourselves from reality and are placed upon those lofty thrones. We tend to try to hide our humanity and inner core which at times can be ugly as well. Oh yes darlings we all have good and bad within us, beauty and ugliness. We are so many things all rolled in one and not just perfect glittering creatures untouchable by love, life, sorrow and more. I say it again, we are all human beings with that fallible.
Now I know this wasn't an arousing or purely fetish oriented post. I know that it may even seem as if it doesn't belong here, but it does. It does because it is a deeper look into Me - not just as THE Goddess Bella Donna, but Me as the woman name Regina. The normal every day human being who lives and learns something new every single day and is glad for it.
I leave you with this thought today. Examine your mind daily and don't buy into your own hype so much that you lose who you are. You are so much more then what you present yourself to be. All the titles in the world don't mean anything if the person behind it has lost their balance and their core. Don't recoil or hide your imperfections because they are what make you so perfectly you, your weaknesses and strengths make you amazing, and by remember that and embracing all that you are without fear, you will become so much more than even you can dream of. I know I have and I may not like all that I will learn as I continue on My journey, but I will always be grateful for it in the end. Because it already has and will continue to make Me a worthy Goddess and Queen walking this Earth and being a real part of the world we live in.
Goddess Bella Donna
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