Some Terms to Think about.

Warning to anyone reading. I am NOT making a judgment on any of these terms. Whatever you want to be BE IT. There is enough judgment from the outside world when it comes to findom. Even in the BDSM world most of us are judged. So the best way to combat that from my experience is to arm yourself with knowledge and perfect your skills to be seen as professional in this world.

The conversation was brought about from a Pet that I don't own. He is a friend of mine. Yep, you heard me a friend. We have some of the deepest conversations I have had in a long time so I will quote Puddin more than once in this post. Puddin is an Engineer student and in the early twenties. Mature of that age as Puddin has been abused most of his life. You see Puddin is a Pet in the purest form. 

So what is a Pet. In BDSM terms these are submissives that enjoy being dogs, puppies, cat, kittens....you get the picture. At events, these are usually wearing collars with a leash. They may have Dog shape masks and most of the time is being led by a leash by their dominant. Most are very playful people. They don't enjoy the hard play canes etc but because they are usually very loyal...they do anything to please the one who owns them.

Here is part of the conversation with me and Puddin.

ME: GEMS (PETS) ARE RARE. VERY VERY RARE. AND THE BEST WAY TO EXPLAIN IT IS LIKE THIS.
A DOMINANT'S NEED TO PROTECT IS AS STRONG AS THE NEED FOR A SUBMISSIVE TO BE SAFE.
BEING SUBMISSIVE DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK. IT MEANS YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET SOMEONE ELSE CARE AND KEEP YOU SAFE.

Puddin (pet): It feels, fulfilling letting someone protect me, care for me, it makes me feel complete in ways I can't on my own.

Most of my time with Puddin is spent in role-play as he doesn't leave close to me. Most of the time he comes to me upset and tired. He will put his head in my lap and I play with his hair. There is non-sexual interaction between me and him. That there makes him feel safe. He tells me secrets and I keep them between me and him. Even when I quote him I make sure to check with him first. 

Tops Vs Dominant.

So what is the difference. Quoted from my lovely Puddin: “The way I see tops, is yea, they want to dominate in certain situations and it ends there. For example dominating someone in the bedroom then having no affiliation with being dominant outside that situation and not wanting the responsibilities that typically come along outside desired situation. They don't have an inner feeling of dominance, just the need to get their quick thrill.”

Not a single thing wrong with being a Top as there is a need for them too.

A top also lacks the NEED to protect and care of a sub. A dominant has a NEED to protect and care for who they own. It isn’t a game. It isn’t a paycheck. It is a NEED to control, nurture and protect someone who is theirs.  

Bottom VS submissive.

It boils down simply to NEEDS.

A bottom can easily submit for a scene or event, enjoy the moment and be happy with what happened there as long as it stays there. 

A submissive has an uncontrollable need to be protected. They have a very hard time with everyday life and fighting a need to let go. They NEED to be controlled, to be cared for and to be safe.

Nothing wrong with either one. The need has always been there for both Tops and Dominants, Submissives and Bottoms.

In the end to find the right match as yourself these questions:

What are subs needs?
What are subs wants?
What are my needs from you?
What are my wants from you?