Evolution into Findom

In my last blog I recounted some of my earliest online experience with Femdom.  As I implied, back then in the 1990’s, Findom was not really in existence or certainly not in it’s present form (if it did exist, I had not encountered it).

I’m not really sure when I first became aware of Findom; maybe 5 years or so ago.  Certainly, when I was serving a Hypnodomme She sometimes produced versions of files that were explicitly Findom but I never bought those versions and she never asked me to.

I never really thought that Findom was my “thing” and I didn’t really think anything about it (or, to be honest, know much about it).  I served that Hypnodomme for about eighteen months and not once did she ever suggest I should send Her tribute.  I did however send Her gifts often, and I would “tip” her following a Niteflirt phone call.  Also, for quite some time, I was sending Her a box of various items on a weekly basis (every Monday lunchtime I was at the Post Office!).  These were basically non-perishable food items that She had trouble finding, usually organic.  I would also sometimes bake items for Her (I even had a personalized apron – from customizedgirl.com !) and include those items too.

So, while I certainly made life a little easier for Her, I wouldn’t describe my service to Her as a FinDom relationship though for sure between the weekly box, buying Her files and other gifts, the money I spent was not insignificant.

But it was as that relationship was coming to an end that I discovered Findoms.  I had been reading some website and as internet browsing tends to do, one thing led to another and eventually Google sent me to findoms.com.  That was three years ago now.

I cannot honestly say that I found this site and said….”wow, this is what I’ve been looking for”.  More like, “OMG, what am I doing here??!”.    It wasn’t a turn-on for me to send money, though inarguably, I found a certain attraction to the whole findom dynamic.  I was very quickly cash verified and later became a lifetime member so clearly I found myself at home here.

It has been a slow process for me.  And there have been times when I have been totally absent from here as I think I have mentally rebelled and tried to deny it.  But I keep coming back.  And I think the reason I can’t stay away is because findom is at its heart all about the control and giving up control does turn me on.  I love the feeling of being under the control of a Goddess.  I love bringing a smile to Her face and knowing She is pleased with me. 

I’m here not because I love giving away the money I work for, but because I love to feel I am not in control of it.  That I am eager to please my Goddess, simply because it makes Her smile and I want to make Her happy so badly.  I want...no, crave, Her approval.  For me, though, I have to feel an emotional connection with the Domme.  That’s why I have always politely declined offers of “sessions”.  I want the Domme to mean something to me and i want to believe that I mean something to the Domme.

So, it really has been an evolution for me and it’s been a bit of a struggle at times.  But I will finish up this blog with a couple of lines which I read in a post recently (from QueenLiv, and I hope She won't mind me using it here):

               “Sending to Goddess feels amazing

               And… if it doesn’t?

               Then you just haven’t found the right Goddess yet.”

When I read this, I thought….YES YES YES!

I have now, finally, found the right Goddess, after I had almost given up all hope of doing so.  She is incredible and yes, sending to Goddess, making Her smile, does feel amazing!