Goodbye and Goodnight

Dommes come with this 'I don't give a fuck persona' and sometimes its true - they don't give a fuck! Haha but most of the time people forget that We are people too. We have feelings, thoughts and emotions; ups and downs - good days and bad days. I remember the first time I went to a BDSM dungeon and considered a career as a Dominatrix - I thought oh yes! A nice part time job, bit of extra cash here and there. Fabulous! 

Oh boy was I wrong. From those first few weeks in training (although I was already pretty good at dominating men, it comes naturally!) I started to dive deeper into this world. I tried for a little while to have this 'PERSONA' but soon got bored and tired of trying to remember what I said to one person and it all got too much for Me personally, to do. So I thought fuck it, I will just be Myself! If someone doesn't like it, there will be someone out there who they do connect with. I fell deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole and began to LOVE what I do. No longer was it just a job but more of a way of life, something that excited Me, made Me want to get up in the morning - well most mornings! 

So where am I going with this? We are going to talk about servitude and the slaves that come into our lives and then just vanish without a trace. Now I am talking about those relationships that are ongoing, not just a client popping in for a session, a nice catch up and a see you next time. A D/s relationship is very real, intimate and true. It takes time and patience to build the relationship. Starting out it can be awkward, then it blossoms into something beautiful. I personally share all of Me with My close subs - they know intimate details about Me and My life. I am never nervous to not show them Me or to not answer their questions (unless there is a big boundary around it), why shouldn't I? They are giving their ALL to Me. We are going on a journey together. Without honesty and trust, it is not real.

You share stories, details, values, fantasies and life goals together, it is very special. Discussing dreams, ideas and building on BOTH Our fetishes. Then one day, boom. That sub disappears. Not to be heard from again. As a Domme you then realise, oh well, its not like I can call their sister and see what happened (well maybe you can, depending on the level of relationship you have!). Yes, I know where he lives and works but that seems stalkery! What IF they just woke up and decided that that was the end for them? What if they died? Or are very ill? After inviting that person into your home you realise that You, the Domme, gave more of your personal life to them, more than they did. Yes, You shared something intimate - bringing their fantasies and desires to life and then it was no more.

My main worry when this happens (unfortunately, a couple of times now) is are they ok! Did something happen? Or are they just over it - maybe you were not as special to them and someone else came along who ticked a certain box.  I had a slave a few years ago, who I adored in his little plastic pants! Then one day I received an email saying he was sick and would be out of action for a while. No worries, ok.  But upon chasing it up a couple of times via email, nada. I will never know if he is happy somewhere...

So I will be doing something new with all My boys - I will create an email address that I wish them to write on a piece of paper and put somewhere with a note to send Me an email IF something disastrous happens. Then I can grieve and not be left wondering - was it something I did, actually did you just play with My feelings? 

I read a wonderful article by Queen Liv on Domme Drop but it relate to this too:

Just like in a vanilla relationship it hurts being ghosted by someone you thought you had a connection with. You begin to question why this just happened, was there something you could've done differently? Is it your fault? Let's be honest it probably wasn't.That person was just a selfish asshole who only put their feelings under consideration at the expense of yours. Sure, as a Domme you can say You won't get overly "emotionally invested" in a sub, but hey, it happens. some subs, hold a closer place in your mind and in Your heart.  D/s relationships aren't something light. They WILL affect you emotionally. Anyone W/who says that they don't are probably lying. All Dommes aren't heartless, (the heartless ones usually aren't even Dommes, they just want to take advantage.)  there are Dommes who genuinely care, and when stupid subs don't realize this for whatever reason and think that all Dommes are the same, this is where they ultimately go wrong,  AND at the expense of their Dommes mental state, and eventually even their own lasting happiness.

A D/s relationship is one of the most intimate and vulnerable relationships that two people can have.  It's something the Vanilla World will never understand. A D/s relationship can be extremely rewarding and full of amazing highs, the goal for both P/parties in the relationship is to prevent the low-lows and to protect each other. A Domme and sub need to protect each others emotions and respect them. Yes, bad days are going to happen within a relationship, the only way it will survive is if you are there for each other. Communicate.  Oh you didn't get what you wanted? So what? you're going to stomp your feet and ruin everything just because you didn't get your way that one time? Oh you're going to shut down because you didn't like one thing that your Domme said? Is the World ending because of it? No. Your Domme knows what's best for you. She's trying to make you a better person and an even better sub. Oh you didn't get what you wanted? So what? you're going to stomp your feet and ruin everything just because you didn't get your way that one time?  Walking away from conflict for whatever reason causes pain on one side, sub or Domme. Things should never be left unsaid, the least a selfish sub can do if he cared about the Domme even in the slightest is to give closure. Walking away without a word is selfish. If you planned on being selfish, you should've never entered the relationship to begin with. you need to communicate, be vulnerable. So if you're a sub reading this, the next time you think of vanishing on a Domme you have been serving, for whatever reason, think twice, communicate, because by just vanishing,you can cause more damage and pain than you actually know. Respect the relationship that you have created and the Domme and the connection you have created with within it. At the end of the day your Domme is another Human with feelings too. Why would you want to cause someone extreme emotionally pain regardless of the circumstance? Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, how would you feel if this happened to you? Dommes are people with real emotions and lives too, by causing distress you can affect Her more than you know. So don't be that sub.

So boys, We may come across as cruel, man eating seductresses, and for the most part We are, but We still have hearts, however cold they are ;) Be good to the Lady you are serving, treat Her well - She is doing more for you than you know or can see....

To all My boys, you are very special to Me, lets continue to enjoy and live life to the fullest!

On to a new Era ...