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on December 5, 2017
Hot topic these days, especially with all of the influx of "insta-dommes" and the whole blackmail, ruination kick. Let Me just make one thing perfectly clear: Ms Laura does NOT engage in blackmail. Fantasy or role play is one thing, reality is an entirely different beast.
I have made some comments recently that seem to have been misinterpreted, so I would like to set the record straight on a few things. The statement I made was this: "many MANY subs I have come across apparently suffer from borderline personality disorder, and behaviors such as his (sending pics and such to Dommes for exposure then making a big deal like this) are their way of fulfilling that attention seeking behavior from their disorder." I stand by that statement; it is My own observation from what I have seen and experienced. I actually should have phrased that to read "histrionic or borderline personality disorder", based solely on the attention-seeking behavior I have witnessed.
Am I suggesting that every submissive suffers from a mental illness? Certainly not. Though, statistically speaking, MANY do...as do MANY Dom/mes. Mental illness is so prevalent these days that you would be hard pressed to come across anyone in your life who does not suffer from some sort of mental illness. I certainly do....I have been diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, depression.
So how do we, in this lifestyle and especially in the fetish of Findom, deal with each other. Findom has already been labeled a of manipulation and coercion. Let's look at the whole D/s dynamic to begin with, because if you think that as a Dom/me you do not manipulate or coerce the sub you are working with, you are kidding yourself.
Coercion: the practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats
Ask yourself how many times in dealing with a submissive, has the threat of punishment (No matter the form) been the driving force behind the submissive's actions. Do they do the assigned task merely out of true submissiveness? Or is part of it because they fear the repercussions? Many subs are ego-driven in their submissiveness (see my post on the Role of the Ego)
Manipulation: to adapt or change (in this case: feelings, behaviors) to suit one's purpose or advantage
Let's look at behavior modification...something that MANY of us employ in our working with submissives. I certainly do. If you do not think that behavior modification is manipulative, then I do not know what to tell you, because it is. Yep, manipulation, no matter how you wrap it. You are trying to eliminate negative behaviors in the belief that eliminating those will enrich the submissive's life. Manipulation is defined as a thought process, not a behavior process. Behavior is only the product. The use of operant techniques on submissives is, I believe, inherently manipulative.
Consensual sub training always includes behavioral modification. A Dom/me controls when, where, and how their body is used. Falling under the huge umbrella of behavioral sub training are a sub’s kneeling, orgasm control, voice training and any other actions of the body. These are all just examples, and not all employed by every Dom/me.
So My first point to all of this is to be honest and real about ourselves and the role We play in this dynamic. We DO coerce and manipulate, whether We would like to admit so or not. We can call it any other name to make ourselves feel better, but a rose called by any other name is a rose. The difference lies in the word "consent". Does the submissive consent to the coercion and manipulative tactics to be employed? Are they of sound mind and body to give such consent? These, I believe, are the real questions one should ask.
This leads us back to the original point of this post: Exploitation in the World of Findom.
Exploitation: the action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work.
I have made some comments recently that seem to have been misinterpreted, so I would like to set the record straight on a few things. The statement I made was this: "many MANY subs I have come across apparently suffer from borderline personality disorder, and behaviors such as his (sending pics and such to Dommes for exposure then making a big deal like this) are their way of fulfilling that attention seeking behavior from their disorder." I stand by that statement; it is My own observation from what I have seen and experienced. I actually should have phrased that to read "histrionic or borderline personality disorder", based solely on the attention-seeking behavior I have witnessed.
Am I suggesting that every submissive suffers from a mental illness? Certainly not. Though, statistically speaking, MANY do...as do MANY Dom/mes. Mental illness is so prevalent these days that you would be hard pressed to come across anyone in your life who does not suffer from some sort of mental illness. I certainly do....I have been diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, depression.
So how do we, in this lifestyle and especially in the fetish of Findom, deal with each other. Findom has already been labeled a of manipulation and coercion. Let's look at the whole D/s dynamic to begin with, because if you think that as a Dom/me you do not manipulate or coerce the sub you are working with, you are kidding yourself.
Coercion: the practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats
Ask yourself how many times in dealing with a submissive, has the threat of punishment (No matter the form) been the driving force behind the submissive's actions. Do they do the assigned task merely out of true submissiveness? Or is part of it because they fear the repercussions? Many subs are ego-driven in their submissiveness (see my post on the Role of the Ego)
Manipulation: to adapt or change (in this case: feelings, behaviors) to suit one's purpose or advantage
Let's look at behavior modification...something that MANY of us employ in our working with submissives. I certainly do. If you do not think that behavior modification is manipulative, then I do not know what to tell you, because it is. Yep, manipulation, no matter how you wrap it. You are trying to eliminate negative behaviors in the belief that eliminating those will enrich the submissive's life. Manipulation is defined as a thought process, not a behavior process. Behavior is only the product. The use of operant techniques on submissives is, I believe, inherently manipulative.
Consensual sub training always includes behavioral modification. A Dom/me controls when, where, and how their body is used. Falling under the huge umbrella of behavioral sub training are a sub’s kneeling, orgasm control, voice training and any other actions of the body. These are all just examples, and not all employed by every Dom/me.
So My first point to all of this is to be honest and real about ourselves and the role We play in this dynamic. We DO coerce and manipulate, whether We would like to admit so or not. We can call it any other name to make ourselves feel better, but a rose called by any other name is a rose. The difference lies in the word "consent". Does the submissive consent to the coercion and manipulative tactics to be employed? Are they of sound mind and body to give such consent? These, I believe, are the real questions one should ask.
This leads us back to the original point of this post: Exploitation in the World of Findom.
Exploitation: the action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work.
synonyms: taking advantage, abuse, misuse, ill-treatment, unfair treatment, oppression
Part of what makes a good Dom/me is knowing themselves. Being open and honest with yourself about who and what you are is key to your own self-control. For how can you assume control over another, if you do not have control over yourself? That is also where communication comes in. The main way to avoid exploitation is communication. As much as everyone would like to think that Dom/mes are living embodiment of gods on Earth...news flash: we're not. We are not omniscient (even with Teamviewer), we are not mind readers. Yes, a good Dom/me is, or at least should be, fairly skilled in reading behaviors and such...but in an online forum that can prove very difficult. That is why open and honest communication between the sub and the Dom/me is crucial. When we take on control of someones mental and physical state, we have taken on a great responsibility; one which we should take seriously. Educate yourselves...learn the different personality disorders, effects of behavior modification, communicate constantly with your submissive to guage their mental state. If you are not ready for that responsibility, if you are not in control of yourself (this is where knowing yourself fully comes in) then do NOT try to take on the responsibility for another. I do not care how pure your motives are.
That is where I stand on this issue. I am sure I will get a ton of hate mail, especially from Dom/mes about calling what we do coercion and manipulative. Tell yourself anything you want to make yourself sleep better at night. Yes, submission is a gift..I agree (remember the consent part?) But what we do after that is exactly as I described it. Do the ends justify the means? I don't know...that is a question you each have to ask yourselves. I know that My end goal is to help another grow physically, mentally and spiritually though their submission to Me. Does that feed My own ego? Absolutely it does. I will admit that.
C
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