The art of domination

To me domination is very much an art form in many ways. One you will never have fully perfected and one in which you constantly continue to evolve in and learn more. There is no such thing as "knowing everything", simply because the areas and aspects of BDSM, Kinks and Fetishes are so vast that you'll need a lifetime to learn all that you are interested in.

Domination is not all about barking orders, making demands, and breaking a submissive either. It's about power and control at it's basest form and a connection build between Goddess and submissive that transcends a lot of things.

In the photo above I am spending time with a submissive male just talking to him. There is no scene time at all, just being together, enjoying each others company and having a regular conversation. He is in his natural position before me, on his knees, while I sit above him. We are engaged with one another, focused on one another, and he feels at home and enjoys belonging to me.

To so many those types of interactions get lost when we think of domination, but they are essential. If I am to control you, then I naturally have to get to know you. Not just on the surface, but deep. Not just you as the submissive, but you as the human being. The same hold true in reverse.

Domination is about communication in a big way. There is no such thing as a submissive not having anything to say, that is foolish at best. As the Goddess I need my submissives feedback, but that doesn't give him license to walk all over me, be demanding or just talk so much that he forgets to listen. There is a fine line, but it is an important one.

I won't be the Goddess for everyone, I say that often and some say, but you are supposed to say how you are the best, the most glorious, the cats meow. That is fantasy and illusion. For the right boy I will be all those things, but there will be hundreds if not thousands who will not see me that way. Again the reverse goes into it as well. Not every submissive will be for me. There has to be a spark, a connection and something in common on which we can build a foundation. Call it a primer if you will on which we can create a beautiful masterpiece of art together.

We each seek out a different type of relationship. For some it may just be a ships passing in the night that only connect for a quick fix play. That is fetishists on both sides perhaps and there is nothing wrong with that. For most people that is all they can handle.

Other need that deep connection that comes over time. That feeling of being complete when you are together. That feeling of being home for a submissive when he is in the presence of his Goddess, be that real time or virtual. The permission to lay down the burden of decision making that he carried during his working hours, and now feel the blanket of her control over him.

Have you ever noticed that I don't put the main focus on play or scene time that most of my focus at the moment at least is on the mindset, on the deeper things that are not play related? Why is that? Because without the emotional and mental connection and mindset, all the physical stuff means nothing.

I can lock you into chastity for 30 days and unless you realize and deep down understand that this is you having given up control over your dick and being taught to focus on my pleasure, it's nothing more than you having some metal or plastic around your cock. It's meaningless.

I can make you kneel, tie you up, and gag you, but unless you feel yourself surrendering and understand that something a lot more then just you being immobilized is taking place it is nothing at all but an action. I am taking your life into my hands and you must trust me now. I hold the responsibility of your welfare in my hands, and that is huge. You must know that at this point I can do anything I want with you, and you must be able to trust me that I won't do everything that might cross my mind. That I know what you can take, what you can experience safely, and how far to push you out of your comfort zone without harming you.

Each physical action has a corresponding mental and emotional effect. Domination begins in the mind and it becomes physical action and reaction. I can pull of an intense scene without ever touching you simply by invoking those physical responses that your mind has programmed into it. For that I have to know you first and know what experiences you had and can call to mind

A person who has never been in an ice and snow landscape will not be able to feel the wet cold of kneeling in the snow for me, one who has will. All I have to do is paint the mental picture and your body will shiver instantly, because you recall it.

Domination is about conditioning the mind and the body. It's about guiding you to love the things I love and therefor them becoming precious to you as well.

We are on a financial domination community, but how many of you boys actually feel the deep thrill and actual pleasure you should be experiencing, the honor it is, when you are permitted to give your financial servitude to your Goddess or a Goddess. That feeling of rightness and that this is what you were born to do, when you send her your heart earned money. That deep feeling of living your purpose by providing her with what she needs or desires.

Oh and there is a controversy isn't there? A Domme should always provide for what she needs herself or she isn't powerful. Well darlings, how about if you are her slave you would automatically want to provide for her needs, even if she doesn't need you to. It is about doing whatever it takes to make her life easier and more relaxed. About making her smile, giving her reason to look forward to spending time with you, about making her proud of you.

Yes, yes and yes again. A Goddess should be proud of her subs and be able to to be that, because those subs work so very hard and sacrifice so lovingly for her.

I compare a D/s relationship with a marriage, with the difference being that in the D/s relationship you have a very clear power structure that is not equal and that it is build on honesty and actually knowing one another not the illusion of what we present.

Domination is not about looks, outfits, trappings etc. I am no less powerful fully naked getting out of my shower with no makeup on, then I am fully gussied up with makeup and in leather. Of course you'd have to been my real time slave for many months before you will stand outside of my shower with your eyes lowered and a warm towel ready to wrap me up and dry me off.

Domination is intimate, very intimate. Don't confuse intimacy with sex darlings, so many of you do.

The most beautiful D/s couple I have ever seen was the Domme being 90 years old and her sub 87. There was no more playtime, but they were Goddess and slave through and through. Every look, every gesture, every touch, each focus on what the other needed showed it. He no longer could kneel because of his hips and knees, but he sat next to her on a small foot stool, by her legs as he had for 45 years. His hands trembled but he still held them out for her cigarette ashes. He walked slow, but if she was thirsty he got up and got her a drink. He was still her good boy and would be until he died. That is what domination is, deep connection, serving selflessly and controlling lovingly the one that bows to you.

I watched a Mistress who was half blind flogging the living shit out of her slave and not once did he move from the place she put him in. Each bite of her flogger was a gift to him and he bore his marks proudly. People asked him after how he could allow himself to be flogged with her not being able to really see him. His answer was awe inspiring. Because I trust her with my life and she doesn't need to see me in order to feel where I am. We are as one, she knows my body, hears my breathing, feels my body heat, and I am her creature so completely that she could o this with no sight at all, because she know I would never move from where she placed me to begin with.

That is domination. That is D/s. That is something that 90% of you will never get and it is sad, because it is that getting it that will make you the true Artists we are supposed to be.

Think about it sometime and think if that is not what you really want in your life. That type of deep connection with the one who is controlling you or the one you control.

Goddess Bella Donna