The Role of the Ego

“The concept of ego reduction is predicated on the use of Sigmund Freud's concept of the ego to describe the conscious adult self; and broadly describes the deflating of an over-inflated or egotistical sense of oneself- a curtailment of what Iris Murdoch called “the anxious avaricious tentacles of the self””. – wikipedia



The hallmark of the submissive ego is strategic subservience. When in this mode of thinking, people gain power not through the direct struggle for power but, instead, through subservience to those who have power. They submit to the will of others to get those (powerful) others to act in their selfish interest. This is NOT true submission. Many do not even realize they are doing this. If they had to consciously admit that they were submitting to others to have their own way, they would have trouble feeling justified.



This not what many of us call “topping from bottom”. Just as a child is forced by pedagogic pressures to give up instinctual gratifications and make terms with the narcissistic hurt to his ego which such submission entails, so must a submissive relinquish neurotic satisfactions and overcome the narcissistic hurt to his ego that the exposure of his unconscious impulses and the breaking down of many of his mechanisms of defense involve. This is the end goal for the tasks and exercises I assign to you.



“Some submissives believe that by yielding or ‘rewarding’ access to their physical body that they are offering to the recipient of that ‘reward’ their submission. To reward access without yielding your inner (self) or ego to the voluntary acceptance of the will of another is not submission. It is to role play submission on the surface without real meaning or depth in the exchange. Such an offering is shallow and quite limited. Again this is often an action of defense based on fear of loss of control or exposure of emotional or mental vulnerability by the submissive.” – Mistress Steel



The ego believes that in your resistance lies your strength, whereas in truth resistance cuts you off from Being, the only place of true power. Resistance is weakness and fear masquerading as strength. Until there is surrender, unconscious role-playing constitutes a large part of human interaction. In surrender, you no longer need ego defenses and false masks. You become very simple, very real. “That’s dangerous,” says the ego. “You’ll get hurt. You’ll become vulnerable.”



Submissive training, to Me, is about shaping behavior. It’s about what you can do to encourage the behaviors you want, and discourage those that you don’t. According to Cross at XCBDSM, there are three major reasons or goals for submissive training.



Submissive Skill/Behavior Development – These are things that you will teach them or train them to do that are valuable beyond the reach of your particular relationship.
Dominant’s Individual Preferences – The second purpose of training is to teach things that are specific to you as the dominant.
Personal Goals – is stuff that isn’t objectively valuable to a specific dominant or to a partner in general. These are the things that the submissive wants to learn or change and has asked for help with. It could be getting rid of a destructive bad habit or staying on track with a project that has been neglected. It could be enforcing a diet or helping them make space for a hobby that calms them. These things are often neglected but are quite possibly more important than the other two sections. These are the things that will help make the D/s dynamic valuable to the submissive as well as the dominant. To make sure that they still feel like they are getting something out of the relationship.



For those who have received or viewed My initial 3 requirements to be considered for service, you will have seen that one of the things in the essay is to express what you desire to get out of this dynamic.



Conditioning is a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response. I utilize both classical and operant conditioning in the training of My submissives.



This is not only behavior modification, it is also a journey to self-growth and awareness...for both parties involved. I have grown with each D/s relationship, as I hope My submissives feel the same.



Please feel free to message Me if you have any questions.



Ms Laura