Ask Cy - Mentoring Vrs SpoonFeeding

Out of all of the hats that I wear on a day to day basis (obviously, not real hat, metaphorical hats. some of you need to read more) the one hat that I put on before all others is that of an educator.

I am ALWAYS an educator first. Even when someone brand new without a clue comes into the chat room, I try my damned hardest to give them some places to start, links to look at, before I ignore them until they go away because it becomes blatantly obvious that they are less interested in the Domination part of Financial DOmination, and much more interested in the "How do I get boys to give me money" (focus on money). I've even been known to be patient with idiot submissives and have spent time talking them through the basics like, SAFETY and SAFE WORDS.

My experiences, both online and offline, show that the majority of BDSM inclined people are the same way. They educate FIRST, provided you are asking intelligent questions. (Some communities call this vetting, they make sure that you aren't a psycho before inviting you to an actual play party)

For example: if a sub were to come in and ask how he could pay to eat pussy, we'd all write him off. Where as, asking about finding a Domme interested in sexual service, might get a better response from the Ladies.

Though, generally, opening with "Hello I'd like to eat pussy", isn't going to get you considered in a good light in a FemDom Community.

The same can be said for those people who jump into the lifestyle with an idea that it is a great way to make seriously quick money. There are very few ladies who take jump into any lifestyle and make it while they fake it. It has been done, I've seen it done, at the same time, it's the exception and not the rule itself.

ISo, that brings me back to the subject of this blog. Mentorings Vrs Spoonfeeding. It's been argued by a number of people time and time again that established ladies don't owe anything to the newbies. The other side of that of course is argued, that if the established ladies don't help the newbies, how will they learn?

It almost seems like a catch 22 situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. More and more people take to twitter to state their frustrations and it boils over into another big "us Vrs Them" situation until someone snaps.

Remember the idiot asking to eat pussy in chat that I mentioned before? Lets pretend that he comes in and is polite and admits to not knowing anything.

Then, by some small fucking miracle he talks to a Domme and they discuss his inclinations, his fantasies, his limits, (you know, all the things that are actually good to look into BEFORE playing with someone ) and the Domme makes careful notes and LEARNS about the submissive through exchange of information.
(Because she would ALSO tell him her limits, and rules, and expectations.)

In a way, the Domme is mentoring the submissive. She isn't spoonfeeding him ALL the information at once, she's giving him what he needs to start and to keep his ass safe. She's finding out his areas of interest and giving him the basic lingo to be able to research it for himself.

In doing this, she may find that he is a submissive who shares similar interests, and that she can work with and motivate to serve her exclusively.

I take exactly the same approach with new ladies on the scene. I'm happy to have the basic conversations, to gently poke in directions that will keep both them, and those they may interact with safe. (I don't think I need to remind you about the super glue in the eye of the penis debacle but hey, why not!)

At the same time, if someone I've helped comes back to me and asks me to read eighteen pages of chat logs and then provide them with reasons the guy didn't pay, FUCK THAT.

Mentoring isn't being handed all the information on a silver platter, it's being able to bounce an idea off someone and be given the tools to then figure things out for yourself. It's one of the biggest complaints and questions that get asked across the Findom community - How do I get the pigs to pay - And the simple answer is that no one really knows how, there is no one magic formula that you do/say/sacrifice virgins for, and them magically the money rolls in.

There is no special place on Findoms.com where "pigs are hidden for the established ladies, leaving only the dregs for the newbies" no such thing exists. Because submissives are all different. They all have different ticks, likes and hates. One submissives punishment is a different submissives pleasure.

So, now that I've put that out there, what next?

Mentoring: if you find someone who is happy to answer some of your questions then thank them! and don't expect them to drop everything when you contact them to help you out. I know ladies who get PAID very well for mentoring and not even they will drop everything and hand over all the information. Domination is a skill and you need to learn how to use it for yourself.

Mentoring: if you are approached to mentor, then it's ok to say no thank you, but if you chose to mentor someone, make sure that you outline what you're willing to help with, and what you ARENT willing to help with. (Double sessions, letting them listen into NF calls, late night skype talking, reading chat logs etc.)

Apart from that, stay safe, and be sane! Have fun and don't let the assholes get you down, they are forever fleeting after all.

Love Cy