A few tips for new Dommes

There's lots of blogs out there, on this site and others, that give very helpful tips. I'm just adding to the pool. There's nothing groundbreaking here, just the basics. There’s so much more to learn though, and if anybody would like to add anything, feel free!

Don’t allow anybody to push on your boundaries. Have them set and made clear. If anybody tries to push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, forget them. They are not interested in serving you but rather themselves, and they lack the respect that they ought to have for you. Do not allow yourself to be made uncomfortable so that some wank job can get his rocks off. Not worth it!

Always trust your gut instinct. If something feels wrong, or seems too good to be true, chances are that’s the case. You’ll do yourself a huge favor by trusting these instincts. You’re having them for a reason.

ALWAYS get paid before doing ANYTHING, EVER. Never start playing with a boy until he has paid, and you have received that payment. Even if he says he has sent it but you haven’t received it yet, WAIT. Do not begin until that payment has been accepted on your end. If he has purchased items from your wish list wait until you have received them in the mail. It’s very easy for people to purchase items from your list and then cancel the orders later.

When payment is sent accept it immediately! Do not let it sit long enough so that they can cancel it, or in more extreme cases, somebody can access your account and steal it (this does happen!).

When somebody says that they will pay you it does not mean that they will. It’s actually more likely that the majority won’t. he’s promised you his entire pay check? It’s bullshit. He says he’ll give you $1000 if you do this thing for him? Yeah sure. Oh but there’s a catch too! He’ll give it to you, but tomorrow, or on Friday, because he’s still waiting for the the money to come in. Yup, more bullshit! This money doesn’t exist, and if it does you’ll never be the one to see it. He’s trying to get a free session/wank bait with promises he doesn’t intend to fulfill.

NEVER give out any sort of personal banking information. It doesn’t matter how much they’re promising to send you, don’t do it!

Do not give discounts just because a boy feeds you a sob story. Chances are it’s all bullshit anyways, and it’s not your job to care regardless of whether it is or not. They use these sob stories to try to emotionally manipulate you into giving freebies or cheaper rates. Don’t fall for it.

Do not feel bad about watching the clock during paid sessions, ending the session after the agreed upon time has been reached, or demanding more money if they want more time. If they whine and won’t pay, then that’s the end of it for him, bye! Do not give in to his whining.

Be careful of the payment methods you choose to use. Read every site’s ToS and use the site carefully. Paypal is notorious for being anti-sex work and screwing sex workers over. When using sites like this only use them with trusted long term subs, do not share the email associated with the account on any public sites, and make sure the sub doesn’t leave any notes along with the money.

If a sub sends you a message asking about what you’d do to him, or what “x, y, z” means, what you do with your subs, etc, do not tell him a thing! This is wank baiting. They want for you to explain these things to them so that they can sit there and get off, and without ever paying so much as a dime for it.

There’s another type of “wank baiting” that comes in the form of fantasy sharing. A boy will send a message asking to be blackmailed and providing “personal” details, and beg you to expose him (or to not expose him, depending on which way he wants to play), or send you a message along the lines of, “hey would you tie me to a tree and feed me to mosquitoes for $500?”, etc. Do not bother with these. They’re trying to bait you into free play, or free chit chat involving their fantasy that will get them off.

If somebody sends you a message insulting you, whether it be a sub, female Domme, or male dom, ignore it. Do not waste your time. Delete and block. Most of the time these are people looking to get a rise out of you just for a free wank. On some sites the “Dommes” are actually men posing as such. And in other cases it really is a woman who’s trying to start petty drama with you or run you off. A lot of them may say you’re a man, a fake, a scammer, that you look like a man or “tr*nny”, etc, trying to get you worked up. Pay none of it any mind and focus on what will make you money and get you subs.

Don't "cold call" subs. Copy and pasting, "I am you Queen you will serve Me now pig!!!" on every boy's profile is not an effective way to gather good quality subs. You're more likely to put these boys off from serving you actually. And honestly, it's a lazy tactic. Most Dommes worth their salt will not respond to a copy and pasted message that ends up in her inbox (they're easy to spot), why should it be any different for a sub on the receiving end? Each party deserves somebody that has put in the time to get to know them personally.

Remember that it’s the year 2017 and people can do reverse image searches. Don’t use any photo on your profiles or send one to a sub that can be easily traced back to your other social media, such as Facebook or personal Twitter and Instagram accounts.

Sometimes Facebook will show you in these men’s “people you may know” suggestions. Be careful of that. I’ve seen a guide on how you can avoid this, so if it’s a concern it’s something worth looking for.

Do not complain that you keep getting scammed, can’t find subs, that all you’ve gotten have been shitty subs, etc. Putting negative energy out there will make you less appealing to the subs that are serious about serving. As well, do not post that you need money or else your power will be shut off. Find a better way to bring money in (some girls offer discounted clips, photos, and/or sessions). Looking as though your life is an unstable mess will again, make you appear less appealing to serious subs.

It’s okay to be inspired by another Domme’s profile, or really like how she has worded things. You may even want to make your profile in the same way, which is fine … So long as you don’t completely steal it, or copy word for word pieces of her profile. A lot of Dommes put time and effort into making their profiles just right. It’s incredibly rude and offensive to come along and steal something she has worked hard on. And trust Me, nine times out of ten you will get caught and called out. You don’t want that drama on your plate.

Don't "tragi-Domme"! Posting something such as your grandmother just died and you need a sub's money to cheer you up is often looked down upon in the community. Not only is it tacky to exploit the loss of another person in an attempt to gain money, but this is going to turn a lot of good subs away because of that. Meanwhile boys that want a free wank will see this as an opportunity to get your attention, get off, then fuck off without paying. 

Avoid "velcro collaring" I like to think of collaring as a marriage within BDSM. It should be taken just as seriously as well as have just as much effort put into the relationship, and it should not be rushed into. "Owning" a sub after a day, a week, or even a month of interaction will more often than not fall through. Take your time with these boys, there's no rush! Make them prove themselves to you over a long period of time, get to know them on a deeper level, find out all you can about them. No, I don't mean digging around trying to find their Facebook, but rather learning their behavior patterns, what things possibly scare them off into a few months (if anything). Stuff like that. Stuff you couldn't possibly learn within a day or a month. It's not a race. It's not a competition. Quality over quantity. Besides, a relationship with a boy requires a lot of work on your end as well. You don't want to stretch yourself too thin trying to juggle 15 different boys every day. 

Not every sub responds to verbal degradation. Calling every boy you come across a "worthless disgusting pig" is not how you want to start out. Get to know the boy first, find out if he enjoys being treated that way - not every sub does! Besides, why give verbal abuse away for free, lol. But seriously, just because it's your kink doesn't mean it's everybody else's.

I've said it before but I'll say it again, you do not need to put all your cookies out there to get attention. Meaning, a photo uploaded of you bare ass naked bent over the couch is not how you want to go about this. This will do two things: serious subs will not interact with you because it's clear you don't understand findom, and the "timewasters" will be all over you because why the heck not? You'll give everything away for free, and they too know that you're inexperienced.