A Year of Findom (First Blog)

When I was first exposed to financial submission years ago, I probably had the same reaction as many 'baby Dommes' today; not understanding where the submission comes from or what drives a sub, but still welcoming the opportunity to be worshipped and spoiled, or in my case, being too curious about it to block the mén asking for humiliation on OkCupid. While I had no idea what it was called, or that it was a whole kink (let alone community), I was fascinated by the first pet who came into my life and got off on my brutal honesty and subtly compassionate cruelty. While he was, in every way, the cock thirsty cuck I told him he was, I fundamentally appreciated him and humility and his understanding of his place, which I had until then been trying me best to impress upon entitled and confused vanilla boys. Finally I had found the perfect male: agreeing with everything I said and enjoying me at my most honest. I had no idea why he liked sending me $40 at a time for beer and smokes for me and my boyfriend (I was 19, give me a break), but again I was 19 so I didn't ask many questions. I understood the pleasure one gets from sharing, but not at an erotic level.

All my life, while I have not always had the means to do so, I've enjoying giving gifts and spoiling the friends who love me when I can. As an adult, I'm finally in a position where, after bills are paid and the fridge is filled, I find myself more than capable of paying forward the blessings I'm grateful to have. While I pride myself on the work and dedication I put into my practice of domination, it is none the less a privilege to be in a position where I can and have started my life in findom purely off my looks, charm, and sheer novelty. It wasn't once those things got me in the door that I started to gain anything that could be called a skill or style of domination (most of which I owe to this welcoming community).

While a so-called "True Domme" may not even have to show her likeness to manipulate and dominate a subject, the truth for Women beginning in this field today is that we are very small fish in a large sea. Conventional beauty and 'likeability' will gain a subs attention and an introductory tribute, but few of us can retain that attention and build on a d/s relationship in any way that could be called training. While I have done my research and continue to educate myself, and invest myself in image and self promotion, I've found it's time for me to take what I have learned in the online world, and enhance it with real world experience.

Throughout my first year of intentionally practicing financial domination, I've found that much of what goes on in online d/s is in many ways metonymy to what can be done in realtime and traditional BDSM. In the beginning I played with plenty of older, experienced subs, who would expect or mention activities and practices I was unfamiliar with. Things that younger and strictly online subs may not ask or know about. Because we don't have ways of physical control online, we find more psychological ways of manipulation, as well as finding ways to convert typical hands-on activities to their virtual counterparts. I think it would be fair to say that many of the Dominatrices in this community who I consider OGs are successful in long distance play because they got their start years ago in either lifestyle or dungeon play and worked their way up. I'm convinced that's how y'all make it look so easy.

This is all to say that I have decided it's time I look outside my computer for further training, exposure, and skill-sharing, as well as familiarizing myself with traditional 'hand-to-hand' Femdom. I am excited to broaden my understanding and find more things that intrigue and excite Me and subs. Vanilla mén who can't handle (my) rejection love to tell me that I will age out of findom, but the way I see it, I haven't even gotten close to peaking. I'm naturally dominant, but I am in no way an experienced Dominatrix. And yet, I have still found some success, and only expect more once I go out into the world. I'm looking forward to a future where I have a couple decades under my belt and a unique and developed personal style of Female domination.