Submissives are humans too

I see subs being ridiculed on a daily basis. They are used and abused, which is what they're there for right? Whilst I love nothing more than humiliating my subs, rinsing them and making them suffer, they are still people. They have needs and lives beyond fetish and I feel that sometimes this is not appreciated. There seems to be a huge taboo about talking about your real life issues with your domme or sub as it could send them running for the hills.
Personally I won't speak to a submissive in a fetish way until he's serving me. Until he serves me he is just another person that I network with online. Provided he doesn't overstep his boundaries and try to get me to talk "dirty" to him, I will be as friendly and open with him as with another domme.

This is important to me. Firstly he's getting to know the real me which is a good solid foundation for any sort of d/s relationship that could take place going forward. Secondly I'm getting to know the real him. All too often subs will tell dommes exactly what they want to hear whilst in subspace. When it's just a chilled out conversation you get to find out who they are and what their circumstances are.

It's important to realise that finsubs are not just put on the planet to serve us. They have jobs, families and real life problems just like dommes do. I see findoms binning perfectly good subs because the sub goes away for a few days without explanation. He's been reliable up until this point, apologises and offers tribute when he returns but no... That's it. He's had his chance and blown it. No thought to if this man's child was ill, if he had marital issues to resolve, a family bereavement or got called into work without notice. Alot of dommes aren't interested in a subs "real life" but it's still there, regardless. No matter how important he says you are to him, if a man's child is unwell, they will always come first. And that's perfectly fair!



Sometimes subs need cutting some slack. Allow them to be open with you. Have sub time and normal time. Lots of dommes offer aftercare where a sub can speak freely, and I encourage these type of conversations on a regular basis so that both parties can be on same level.

There is obviously a difference between this and guys who regularly take the piss and let you down. If your finding it difficult to tell situations apart try adopting a three strikes and your out policy.

Sometimes subs are so worried about letting a domme down or getting into an argument they will rather dissappear for a few days than be honest and tell you what the matter is. If you have a Vanilla conversation time every week or so then that sub has no excuse to let you down as he should feel comfortable enough to know he can speak to you without you going all mistress ninja on him during these talks.

This might not be for everyone but it certainly helps my d/s relationships. Everyone has baggage and everyone needs to be cut some slack once in a while.